In Spite of Ourselves

Okay so being at home leaves me with some time on my hands.  Today’s blog really pertains to the women-folk out there but guys, you can back me up on this one. 

Beth Moore had these words for me today: “Many influential women teach the hatred of men almost as a religion.  The mentality that all men are bad is neither accurate not healthy.  Individuals commit crimes—not entire genders.” 

Don’t lie.  You’ve either said it or heard it, “I hate boys.”  At some point or another either ourselves or someone we know and love has been deeply hurt by a man in their life.  This doesn’t mean men are bad! 

Let me be frank.  Certainly, there are some bad people in this world and it’s just a fact of life that at one point we’ll either a) be affected by those people or b) be one of those people.  It will happen.  While being affected by a bad person (who happens to be a man) may be out of our control, when we allow ourselves to become man-haters and convince ourselves we are ruined because of that one experience that becomes our own problem.  That reaction is something we can control. 

Maybe our bad experience with a man is not a singular one.  We keep returning over and over and over to the same bad relationship, the same hook-up, the same violation of our beliefs or standards we have for ourselves.  That can add just as much devastation on our hearts as one awful experience. 

Instead of blaming all guys and pointing fingers at the males, I genuinely want to know how they feel.  To those guys who respect and honor women, how hurtful is it to hear a female say, “I hate guys.  All of them are worthless?”  For me, I think maybe I can compare it to, “Everyone who joins the military is a hate monger,” or, “People who own guns are just scared, insecure, evil people,” or even, “Sorority girls are all slutty airheads.”  Those are hurtful words, but they’re uttered every day! 

Y’all, I’m so far from perfect it’s almost funny.  I just want y’all to know if you’re struggling with your feelings toward men (or women) I’ve been there too.  I allowed myself to be dissatisfied with either the single life or being happy with one person. I’ve had some guys do some rotten things to me and I’ve done some awful things back to guys.  That set the foundation for a really bad attitude toward relationships going into college.  I got to SMU and I’ll admit it, I was one of those girls who said, “There are no decent guys at SMU.  I’ll never find anyone worth dating here.”  Sorry guys, I was so incredibly wrong.  While at SMU, I’ve met so many amazing guys that have so much more on their mind that being in the right fraternity or partying the hardest as often as possible.  Girls aren’t at the forefront of their mind, and that’s surprisingly comforting.  Now I’m the one who doesn’t feel worthy of such an honorable guy!

I may or may not find my soul mate at in college.  Shoot, I may or may not ever even be married (however much I may plan for it).  However, I promise you whatever happens I will not blame on a hatred of men or my experiences with them.  Like Beth said, “Individuals commit crimes—not genders” or in my case, sub-genders classified under Males—SMU.  The longer I let myself live in bitterness, the more I ruin the sweetness I could taste in my life right at this moment.

So to you SMU guys, I’m so sorry.  There are honorable, faithful guys all over that campus and I was wrong to hold so much bitterness toward an entire group of people…didn’t make me much different from those people who hate gun owners.  Here’s some advice: instead of getting defensive when a girl says, “all guys are evil,” show her otherwise.  Respect her. Honor her.  But by all means, still be a man!

To women, I can’t say it enough.  There are so many amazing guys out there, but there are only a few who will ruin all your experiences with men if you allow them to do so.  Respect yourself.  Sometimes the reasons we hate men are because we’ve lost our self-respect.  Males and females may not always understand each other, but that’s one of the things that makes life so comical.  We can laugh and roll our eyes at them when they ask us to pull their finger and be okay when they laugh at us when we cry for no reason.  It’s fun. It’s not sexist.  That’s life, and I’m so blessed to be livin’ it.  I love you so!                   

Bah Humbug

Don’t really know what I’m supposed to talk about today, but I gotta start somewhere...

I guess something that’s been on my mind this holiday season is what Christmas really means to me personally.  Of course we all know what it’s supposed to mean to us, but I’m just gonna lay it out there: I’m definitely guilty of forgetting why we even have a reason to celebrate Christmas. 

I think Christmas means something different for me every year.  For my first Christmas ever, it was about spending most of the time in the hospital with a crazy fever and an ear infection that I’m sure haunted my parents (and my sweet Mammaw) for a while afterward.  For my tenth Christmas, I was at the height of my waking-up-a-seven-so-I-could-unwrap-presents stage.  That year, it was all about Polly Pocket and that Polly Pocket town I just couldn’t live without.  So stinkin’ cool.  I think I also received a play toolbox that year. Multi-talented, obviously.

            When I was sixteen, Christmas was about being the only person over 8 to take part in the narrated Christmas story at church on Christmas Eve.  I don’t think my face returned to its normal color for at least a week.

            My first Christmas back from SMU was about trying to find out where the girl was who left for Dallas in August.  She wasn’t anywhere at the ranch…I looked around the whole break. 

            Each time I’ve come home for Christmas, I get closer to understanding why people always told me the season wasn’t about the presents or the food or the parties.  My family and most importantly, my salvation, have become infinitely more important to me.  I finally understand why entire families forego their Christmas presents and spend that money on the charity of their choice.  Heck, it’s a lot easier than standing in line, listening to the multiple complaints about how miserable Christmas has made someone. 

            Christmas is a double-edged sword.  In one moment, we’re filled with the “Christmas spirit” that causes us to pay for that stranger’s purchase or donate to a charity instead of asking for personal gifts.  The next, we’re shoving people out of our way, kicking and screaming, and cussing at old ladies just to get to the front of the line to buy that perfect gift.  Somethin’ ain’t right!

            Now I understand my family’s weird.  We all get along uncommonly well.  I don’t dread going home because I know I’m going home to open arms and unconditional love: things most people won’t deny and are dying to get for Christmas.  That’s where I think a lot of our obsession with Christmas comes from.  It’s like this season is the only chance we get, once in a year, to buy others’ love.  If we can just get that perfect gift, that number one item on everyone’s list, they will love us and Christmas will be perfect.  That, y’all, is false hope.

            Even if you absolutely hate going home for Christmas because that place is incredibly broken and you leave feeling worse than you did when you arrived, you and I have something in common.  There is one person who can love us more than any amount of people can hurt us.  This verse has become near and dear to my heart over the semester:  “They shall build up the ancient ruins;/they shall raise up the former devastations;/they shall repair the ruined cities,/the devastations of many generations.”  That comes from Isaiah 61:4.  I am so comforted because like most everyone in this world, my heart’s been broken in one way or another.   What this verse means is that even if there are years upon years of devastation, destruction, and unhappiness in your life, God will bind up that hurt.  He doesn’t care how much money you spend on your husband or even how much you’re willing to donate to charity.  He heals. He saves.  And all we have to do is have faith. 

            When you open up those presents, by all means, be grateful! Enjoy!  But remember those rewards are temporary.  Blood, sweat and tears endured obtaining those presents are not worth the time and effort we can put into loving others, especially our families around Christmas.  I can only remember a few really significant toys and gifts I’ve received over the years, but I’ll always remember having my first cup of eggnog at Ghee and Gheegee’s, watching Pappaw put on his Santa hat for the last time and playing Amazing Grace with my daddy while Mammaw and Auntie Gini (surprise surprise) cried their eyes out.  That’s why Christmas isn’t about gifts.  Everyone, no matter how rich or how poor, is loved and we celebrate that love being born once a year.  Heck, with that kind of gift, I feel like I should celebrate all year long!  I love you so much and I hope your holiday is filled with joy! 

L is for...

I said something out loud today that made me realize I finally believe: “I am peace with where I am.”  That’s a pretty loaded statement.  The subject of conversation before that comment was dating and relationships, so here’s what I meant:

            Lately, a few of my friends and people close to me have just been in a lot of distress about boys and relationships in general.  It’s so weird to look at people around you who aren’t that much older and they’re getting engaged (or having their second child).  Weird.  Sometimes I feel like I’m just so far from that it’s funny to even think about!  Then there are those friends *coughKenziecough* who’ve been in a happy relationship for almost their entire college career.  Then, of course, there are the friends who haven’t had a boyfriend for years but have had a lot of fun just being a college kid. 

            So where do I find myself amidst the relationships, break-ups, and dates?  I try not to categorize myself and I think that’s why I’m not so distressed as I used to be.  There’s no rush for me to do anything with any person and there’s no deadline to meet.  Galatians 6:9 says, “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”  That’s all we can do, y’all!  Instead of waking up every morning and wishing my life was somewhere else or looked more like hers or was filled with the success of his, blah blah blah, I can focus on what I can do to glorify God.  I can focus on loving and doing and just being Jennie.  Why would I want to experience someone else’s life when God has a specific plan for me, tailored to my every weird personality trait and goofy talent?         

            Pretty cool, right?  God’s plan is so right and so perfect, to try to control it doesn’t make sense.  But with my stubborn, controlling self, sitting back and being at peace with what the Lord is doing with and for me is really, really hard and I tend to fail…a lot.   

            Here’s what I can do. I can still stay up late and talk about an amazing first date or help comfort the girlfriend whose heart’s been broken.  I can hug and be so happy for the girl who just got engaged and I can help my best friend’s boyfriend make her birthday the best ever.  That can be a real, genuine, happiness and love for what’s going on around me.  I don’t have to be bitter and wish I had that sweet companion to stay up late and talk about.  There will be time for that. This is in my room!

            Oh don’t worry, that doesn’t mean I can’t have crushes, either!  It’s so funny how God can just place so much joy in your life just for fun.  Sometimes on those late nights Kenz and I just look back and laugh.  Dang we’re goofy.  

            So in the end, no love can possibly compare to the love Christ showed for us by giving his very life to save us from death.  That’s incredible.  You might know this one: “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friend”—John 15:13.  So until that genuine love comes around, I’m going to be at peace.  There are so many blessings surrounding us every day, to ignore them because your heart feels empty is so so sad.  We’re all struggling with something whether it be relationships, addictions, gossip…the list goes on and on.  God’s love, grace and mercy can fill any empty hole, no matter how deep and dark. Wow.  Lord, you are too too good to us.  Help me live in your peace!

      

Conviction

So I had a really, really hard experience in Philosophy today.  I've noticed a trend throughout the semester with the students in the class that argue against Christianity.  The class is not supposed to cover religious premises, but it's almost impossible for them not to come up, as the topics we discuss pose moral dilemmas.   


Just as a prelude, here's the video we watched at the end of class:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_hyT7_Bx9o


Okay, so if you watched it, you might know why I was so deeply disturbed.  If you aren't sure what the big hubbub is, let me tell you. 


Let me first say that I'm not angry or upset at the people that made the video.  What hurts me the most is that we, as Christians have largely failed to do what Christ has called us to do.  I felt such a sense of conviction and wrongness after watching this video because it caused me to ask myself, "How do I present God to the world?  What do my actions say about salvation?"


Jack Black's portrayal of Jesus just really, really hurts.  This "Jesus" uses the Bible to turn Christianity against itself by claiming Christians pick and choose which rules we want to follow and which rules we want to overlook.  First of all, that's not the way Christianity works, but I will admit that is the way we as Christians and sinners often behave.  Secondly, I think the greatest problem with this video and many others' arguments against Christianity is the lack of understanding of salvation that is given to us through Christ's life, death, and resurrection.


Some recognize the Bible calling for husbands to stone their wives (Deuteronomy 22) and for us to carry out the "eye for an eye" ideal (Exodus 21:23-25).  However, Jesus tells us these things in the New Testament:
      “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also." 
       --Matthew 5:38-39
      "Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?” This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground.  And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground.  But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him.  Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”
     --John 8:4-11


This is what's so incredible about Christianity: Jesus.  When He died on the cross, we were told, "It is finished"  (John 19:30).  But what was finished?  So many things.  God's covenant to us was fulfilled, completed in the flesh.  Jesus showed us how to live and breathe as God's people.  Jesus is the example of the characteristics of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control that we are called to exude as God's children (Galatians 5:22).  Jesus' incredible sacrifice saved us from having to seek retribution from others for their wrongdoings.  It saved us from having to stone sinners because Jesus sacrifice literally covered it all.  


      Hard to believe?  Yeah, Christianity is pretty incredible.  We sin, we do bad things, but the fact that Jesus died for those sins makes everything okay.  All He asks we do is believe He is our savior.  Knowing He made that sacrifice and seeing how Christians have presented themselves is why I feel so convicted.  We have suggested to the world that we are better than everyone, that we pick and choose our morality.  What the heck, y'all.  I've done so many things so incredibly wrong, how can I possibly look down on others?  But of course, I still do. 


Jesus is love.  I'm so proud to live in a country where I am allowed to express that love freely, without government intervention. And that is why I will defend my country: to defend that freedom.  Yeah, I'm trained to kill and sometimes that's hard to grapple with, but more than anything, my objective is to protect my country, love those who don't understand my faith, and hope to show Christ's mercy to those who only know hate.  


If you aren't a Christian, I pray that you will understand Christianity is not about condemning others for their sins and trying to be "better" than everyone else.  Christianity is about shaping our lives to show God's love for everyone and sometimes we just get that horribly wrong.  To Christians, take this as a challenge.  Allow God to absolutely change your life and fill your heart with love, mercy, compassion, and personal conviction.  God has been so, so good to us.  Let's return the favor.       

Mac 'n' Cheese

Don't ask me about the title, it's just what Kenzie suggested. 

I guess I should preface this story by letting y'all know I have a "job."  One night a week, I'm a hostess at Louie's, a restaurant/bar on Henderson here in Dallas.  It's owned by an awesome Greek family and it was featured on Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives so it tends to be a pretty busy place.  Here's the link in case you're curious:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtO7j9FJd0E

Basically last night the entire staff (who are all really close with each other) found out I am going to be a Marine officer so that was the banter of the night.  I was reading The Art of War and one of the bartenders asked what class I had to read it for. No class, just for me.

At the end of the night, Louie and I were sitting at the bar chit-chattin' and he just said, "Man you are full of surprises."

Am I really?  I guess I never really understand it when people say that to me.  Maybe it's because I'm not from around here, so people aren't so used to my type.  And while I may be "full of surprises," God has really put a word on my mind lately: consistency.

There are a couple different definitions for consistency:

1) "Steadfast adherence to the same principles, course, form, etc."
2) "Agreement, harmony, or compatibility, especially correspondence or uniformity among the parts of a complex thing." 

Who knew, 1 Corinthians 15:58 says, "Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain."

Being consistent in our actions can be incredibly hard, especially since we're surrounded by so many things that point us in the wrong direction.  But here's something that makes being consistent so much easier: our "labor is not in vain."  We're not acting for our own good, but for the glory of God and we're all in it together.  What's even better is we're not simply acting, we're abounding.  To me, that looks like being full in Christ to the point where his amazing love pours out to others through our actions.  How awesome is that? 

This aligns with my last blog, but things get so much easier when we stop trying to live to impress others or to benefit ourselves.  One word in the definition for consistency really gets me: "harmony."  We can't be consistent all on our own...believe me, I've tried and failed.  Miserably. 

Just like at OCS, things just work better when you try not to do it all on your own.  I wouldn't be anywhere without my friends and I feel like my relationship with Christ is one that requires that harmony.  There are plenty of times when I know I really want something and Christ is trying to tell me "No," but I just keep on ignoring.  When I finally get over myself and me and God work in harmony, great things happen.  There are a lot of different types of people in the world and trying to please every single one is exhausting.  Sincere love, though, is something everyone can appreciate.  Consistent in love?  Bring it on.            







    

Willie's Wisdom

I'm laying in bed, listening to Willie and Waylon.  I'd have to disagree with them, though.  Mama's, it's okay to let your babies grow up to be cowboys. 

Anyhoo, it's not often that I have time to put time into my blog so I'll do it tonight. 

My few weeks working with the youth at HPUMC has been such a blessing.  Even though I wasn't in high school that long ago, talking with my girls, hearing their struggles and joys makes me realize how much I've grown and how good God is to us. 

So the study we're doing now is called "The Social Network" and we're basing our discussions on the people around us and how they affect our relationship with Christ.  When we take a moment to stop and think about what drives us through our daily lives, our friends and other relationships are often crucial to that motivation.  That doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing as long as God is at the center of those friendships. 

Tonight hit me a little bit harder because we talked about dating and relationships and how we put ourselves into "that world."  I think I used to worry about dating someone on my same level socially.  I wasn't worried so much about what that person thought about me and how he made me feel but I was worried about what other people thought when they saw us and how he could make me seem a whole lot cooler than I really am.  That's not to say I dated horrible people in high school or wasn't genuine in my intentions, but those intentions came from the wrong place...

One of my friends told me a disturbing story the other day.  She said she was talking to a new friend and mentioned the fact that she remained single throughout college.  He promptly said, "Oh, you're one of those girls."  Is that really where our value comes from?  Whether we date in college or not?  I must be waaaaay down on the cool ladder.  

I'm so glad God has led me in the direction He has because He's forced me to look at myself when I'm at both my best and my worst and find out who I really am beneath all my obnoxious smiles.  I've become so much more comfortable with that person and less worried about finding someone who will improve my social status.  God's showing me how important it is to find someone who just makes me want to be a better person and pursue Him first.

Certainly, it takes patience and y'all know that anxious feeling I talked about last blog? Yeah, I have to try really, really hard not to get worked up about what God has in store for my relationships.  I've got a whole lot of growing and learning to do but I've already made so much progress with the friends and mentors I have here at SMU.

So a thought for ya before I nod off:

Look forward to culminating the relationships you currently have and know God will probably send someone new whom you may need...or who may need you.  We're here to walk together and I have to say, my friends have some pretty strong arms because they've pulled me out of some pretty deep, dark holes over the last few years.  So if any of y'all read this, thank you, thank you, thank you.  You've shown me boundless love and remind me daily of how blessed I am.

  I'll let God have the last word:

"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.  Love one another with brotherly affection.  Outdo one another in showing honor.  Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.  Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."
--Romans 12:9-12     
   

*Raising Hand

I'm completely guilty of this one...

I have to hurry and get back to homework, but a thought has been weighing on my mind this evenin'.  So many times I allow myself to have an anxious heart: anxious about things that could happen tomorrow, anxious about things that just happened...anxious about things that could happen way down the road.  Being the gung-ho type of person I am, you wouldn't think being anxious would be a bad thing, but it has put my mind in places it shouldn't be. 

But there's a beauty I've finally begun to grasp in the peace and assurance of salvation.  Abby (Benson, if you don't know her) told me one of my not-so-hot days, "Jennie, guess what?  We still get to go to Heaven."  And y'all, it really is that easy.  No matter what kind of day I'm having, I remember Abby saying that and I think, "Yeah, God has this plan for me and life's not going to be easy but I know the end is very, very good."

So surprise, surprise, the laid-back girl who doesn't worry about anything gets worked up...more than you probably realize.  The Bible and Luke Bryan (yes, I just did that) tell us to "pray about everything:"

          "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
     --Philippians 4:6-7

So while I wish I knew all the answers for my life, I just don't.  If life was predictable, I'm pretty sure I'd get bored really easily.  Some of life is gonna hurt but like I said, the end is beautiful and I hope I get to see you there.

Love y'all so much!