Talking in Circles

I'm sitting here looking through some notes I took while traveling this weekend, trying to decide how to shape this blog to speak to my little sphere of influence. "Socio-economic differences at SMU," "Philippians 4:13," and "Commercialization of Christmas" are my top three notes.  What a reflection those little notes are of where my mind wanders when I'm afforded the opportunity to just be silent.  I could store up those notes for future blog posts but...

On socio-economic differences at SMU:

• I can't even begin to say I know what it's like to be #blackatSMU, but I might approach the controversy from a different angle.  We need to be mindful of what the roots of social differences are at my alma mater: socio-economic background.
• While I generally felt welcomed by my small group of friends, I never felt like I fit in or was part of the group who "belonged" at SMU, and while I'm thankful for every opportunity I had in Dallas, I'm not so sure I ever really felt proud to attend (there goes all alumni support I might ever need).  It's a complicated issue for me because I think I personally tried to resist the SMU stereotype, while at the same time tried to fit into the culture in some pretty ridiculous ways.  Either way, the conversation's worth having and I'm up for it if you feel so inclined.

On Philippians 4:13

• I have to resist the incredibly obnoxious Facebook rant for this one and just wrap it up in an equally obnoxious blog.  In short, Philippians 4:13 cannot stand on its own unless you understand it in context and light of verse 12: "For in all things, I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound.  In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need."
• In our do-it-yourself, come-from-nothing society, we're fixed on setting our minds to whatever the hell we want to do and refuse to acknowledge God isn't a genie who grants our wishes and helps us achieve our goals if we pray enough, go to church enough, and do enough good things.  Philippians 4:13 is about being joyful, rejoicing in salvation, in light of our own shortcomings, life's failures, and circumstances far out of our control.  

On the commercialization of Christmas:

• Spending Christmas away from home for the first time was tough, but certainly more enjoyable with some faithful friends.  Being away from the icicle light-laden, blow-up snowman clad, Christmas-tree-in-every-room decorations and the glitz, glitter, and cheapness that Christmas has become in the States was incredibly refreshing.
• I can't say I don't love the season of Christmas and the warmth it brings, but we run the risk of forgetting our joy for the sake of a month of constructed happiness.  By being removed from the distractions (and that even includes family), I reflected on what this time of year calls for us to remember, outside of carols, lights, and (let's call it what it is) routine candlelight services.  I'm not sure what the answer is, but I just pray as we enter into the holiday season, we'll first remember the reason, the joy of our salvation, then subsequently decorate and sing in celebration, rather than vice versa.  

Now, tonight my heart rests on my sphere of influence: y'all (you guys, for those east of the Mississippi).  I spent my trip home from Kyoto planning my non-profit, scheming with Ivy and Maggie about how exactly I will change the world.  It's easy to create these elaborate, fantastic, idealistic plans to save an entire population from *insert social injustice here*.  Now, before you read too far ahead, don't think I'm discouraged from or discouraging you from thinking big in plans for service.  I am, however, encouraging you to seek to know yourself, your strengths, and be intimately aware of the people who have crossed your path.  I genuinely believe I can influence, but to what capacity, now that continues to change and grow as I discover what exactly I'm tailored to do. 

Do I plan on backing down from my plans? Absolutely not.  However, I think it'd be foolish of me to blazingly charge into the fight without time spent in prayer, reflection, and analysis of what my sphere of influence will be.  We can't depend on change to happen from the top down.  No one understands your struggle, your family's struggle, your community's struggle, like you do.  Believe in the gifts and talents you bring to the table.  If it's one person or an entire culture, be the influence.  Understand what breaks your heart and affect the change, however small it may be. 

Live for the hope.  Strive for the good.  Love y'all.

Good Dirt

Before I get all philosophical, I'll catch y'all up with where I am.  In the past 6 months, I've experienced all the highs and lows of being a platoon commander.  I have the privilege of caring for and being mentored by some of the funniest, most interesting, most dynamic people I'm sure I'll ever meet.  We've seen the disappointment of alcohol-related incidents and the pride of awards and recognition for outstanding achievement.  I've been to South Korea, Tokyo, and Osaka, and I'm getting ready to head up a detachment going to Darwin, Australia for six months.  Thanks to each of you who has prayed and sent good vibes in my direction! Now, back to your not-so-regularly scheduled blog:

I can't credit myself with these profound words, but they're profound nonetheless:

You aren't the gardener who tends and tills and causes things to grow.  You aren't the reason there is new life and you aren't responsible for affecting the newness of change.  All you have to be is good dirt; be good, fertile soil where the roots have a chance to take hold and bloom.

I probably speak for many of you when I say I've heaped an unbearable weight on my shoulders, and now that I'm smack dab in the middle of a uniquely challenging season of life, that extra weight is especially burdensome.  As I continue to try to work myself out of this ebbed season of life, I make myself more exhausted, become more self-centered, and avert my focus from ensuring I'm good dirt where the Lord can do his work.

Men wiser than me echo everything I have said or will say, but in this time and in this era, we cannot forget that we are not the Gardener.  We are not the Shepherd.  To entrust ourselves with that much power and that much responsibility is unrealistic, exhausting, and disastrous.  What a relief it is to know it's not my responsibility to affect change in the lives around me.  All I have to be is good dirt.

I don't have to work toward salvation, I just have to be good dirt.

I don't have to do my own tilling, pruning, or planting, I just have to be good dirt.

Each slip-up, each triumph, each hard lesson, justifies the grace of the cross.  He came "not to call the righteous, but sinners" (Mark 2:17).  The cross is where the weight of our disobedience and the heaviness of our burden are so gracefully and unselfishly placed upon our Savior's shoulders.  The cross is not for the perfect and certainly not for the righteous. The cross is for the sinner in desperate need of the life-changing grace of Christ's sacrifice.

Friends, whether you're like me and beat yourself up for falling short of the unrealistic expectation of perfection or you're indifferent about sin, our God is not one who relies on you to do his work.  Regardless of the season, regardless of your talents, and regardless of where you find your center, He will complete his work and good will always win.  We are so deeply loved by a Father who is utterly unshakeable.

Never lose heart, y'all.  Just be good dirt.  

Wobble, Baby

Suicide Cliff, near Naha

Konnichi wa! I made it to the island, and what a warm welcome it's been. God has marvelously shown his beauty here through the kindest, warmest people I've ever met and incredible scenery surrounding me in every direction.


The food, people, scenes, customs...are all incredible and affirm my choice to come to Oki. It smells, feels, looks, and acts differently than America and it's so cool to see how a different society functions.  As cool as the United States is, I understand the wanderlust mentality and the beauty that is experiencing cultures different from my own.

Not quite the desert flowers from The Land of Enchantment

Now, I didn't at all expect to be handed a uniquely challenging set of cards as soon as I got on island, but last Thursday while playing rugby, I fractured my fibula and perhaps tore a tendon in my lower leg.  I'll have surgery on the leg next Friday to install some plates and screws in the bone and potentially repair that tendon, should it in fact be torn.  Crutches for at least six weeks, shouldn't expect to be out of a boot for twelve.  These past few days have been a mix of all kinds of emotions and conversations, frustrations and speculation, but I'm finally at a place of determination and action.   
I could be totally unrealistic and say I'm not upset at all and I'm sure God has something great coming for me. When Doc told me I might be out 12 weeks, anger and bitterness were probably written all over my face. How could this happen to me? I take such good care of myself. I'm always the one going out of her way to make sure she's physically ready. Why me? Why now? I wanted to grab up my crutches, tell Doc I'd be fine, and get back to work.  I'm indestructible, the bone will heal, and that tendon will just have to be a little bit loose from now on.

Reality quickly set in and I realized I have a challenge ahead of me, and that challenge is no different than any other one I've taken on voluntarily.  It's time to show whether or not I really can handle adversity and make it a good thing.  Do I understand why I broke my fibula? No, of course I don't.  Am I frustrated? Of course I am. However, that does not illicit self-pity or discouragement because, "convinced of [God's ability to use me] I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith." (Philippians 1:25) and "...we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces character, and character produce hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." (Romans 5:3-4).

At the end of the day, we all have jobs to do, both for the world and for our great God.  I have no idea what's next, but I know it is good and there's no reason to hang my head.  Even on crutches, I can and will contribute.  So friends, I think it's time to get my cast signed, block up the clutch on my car, and cut up my upper body, because there's work to be done and I want to be part of it.  I know so many of you may find yourselves in a place of discouragement, but take heart, friends, because we serve a loving God who does not cause us the pain we experience, but wants to graciously bring us out of that hurt and into the goodness of a life lived with Him.  In the meantime, enjoy this guy and enjoy the heck out of your week.

Don't worry guys, I'll be back at it in no time.

    

At the Edge

Well guys, it's finally here.  I'm 12 hours from flying away from American soil for two years.  Anxious? Absolutely.  Scared? Not at all.  I've been at the edge of so many things for so long and it's finally time to step off for something better.

Before Mags and I left NM, I had the chance to say some goodbyes and hug some necks I haven't seen in way too long. I was overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and support from friends, family and neighbors I've known all my life and some acquaintances I met just once.  There's no replacement for my small hometown and I can't imagine being able to do what I do without so many people in my corner.  As an aside, thank you to those who have prayed for, written to, called, texted, and thought about me.  I am so confident in God's work, provision, and intention for me and I can't wait to see the good that comes from it.  There aren't enough words to show my thanks, but I hope each of you know how much you are loved and cherished, and I pray you be bold enough to go where God may call you.

So now, back to finally jumping off that ledge.  For the past year, I've been on the edge of being a fleet Marine.  I've been on the edge of going where God would have me.  I've been on the edge of leaving a comfortable life.  My toes are hanging off the ledge, there's a breeze at my back daring me to jump.  There's no way to know what's beyond the ledge and that is most exciting, because I can look upon this year and know that obedience brings more joy and fulfillment than I can possible try to force for myself.

Throughout the year I have been tempted, I've given in to temptation, things have broken my heart, events have been exceptionally joyful, I've been surrounded by familiar faces, and I've been lost in a sea of people I don't know.  Through all those things, both good and bad, I have found infinite comfort in the grace and love of Christ.  Every single time I fail and try to duck my head in shame, I am reminded that this great grace, this unconditional love, gives me no reason to hang my head and every reason to step out beyond myself.  More often than I'd like to admit, I've questioned where God has me, but over and over He has shown me a life impacted for the better and a joy that is absolutely unshakable.  He has directed my sight outward, relieving me of the weight I try to take on when I focus on myself.

This next step is so incredibly exciting because I go into it expecting God to do good things through me, even in my weakness.  There are so many people waiting to be blessed by a love bigger than we can comprehend and my hope is that we will be bold enough to pursue that love and those relationships, whether they're on the other side of the planet or in our own hometowns.  Whatever ledge it is you're scared to jump off of, will you just step out already?  Y'all, the blessings waiting for you are so good, it kills me to thing you might miss them.  Go boldly, go in peace, and I'll see you back stateside real soon!

      

Let Go My Soul

So tonight I uh, duked it out with God.

I drove to Charleston this weekend, knowing I needed some time to set my soul right.  I ate dinner my first night with total strangers in a random restaurant downtown, and I ended tonight with my hands in the air, crying and singing in a church full of brothers and sisters. It was one of those good cries--men, I know you don't get it--but it was so incredibly necessary.

Through those tears, I was saying, "It is well. It is well. It is well with me."

I've sung those lyrics so many times, but tonight it wasn't so well with me.  "God I don't want to do this. Why did I so blindly choose to go to Japan? I'm happy here. God please don't make me do this."  I surprised myself with my own rebellion.  Where did that come from?

Then I took the Communion bread. "Beloved I did this for you."

Father God, I have doubted your goodness. I've trusted my heart over your Word. 

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."  No wonder Romans 8:28 is my Mammaw's favorite verse.  Tonight, it's a reminder, not just that good things are in store, but that God is good and he is love and he intends good for me, just because I love him.

How can I doubt that Jesus, who went so far as to die so I might "have life and have it abundantly" (John 10:10), would not intend only the very best for me?  The same God who created the universe, who heals the brokenhearted, who sets the captives free, is in my corner.  He's intended so much good for me, so much joy, and so much life, yet I've tried to control and manipulate the outcome to fit how I think it should look.  

So tonight, it might mean Japan, the Middle East, Camp Lejeune, or sitting on the back of a horse in New Mexico.  It might mean friendships, parting of ways, triumphs, and failures.  Tonight it might mean abundance, it might mean poverty, it might mean death, but surely He will always lead to life and I will say it is well. It is well. It is well with me.

   


   

    

Trek

Warning: The material you are about to read is inherently mushy and emotional.  Read with caution. And a box of Kleenex…or a barf bag, whichever suits you.

I want to tell you I had yet another "God meets me where I am" moment, but it's more like a "God meets you where I am" life. I can no longer chalk up my blessings to singular moments or brief periods of time when I experienced God tangibly working.

I've been climbing this mountain, hoping to get to the top where some better version of myself awaits, looking at the breathtaking view, loving life. Throughout my climb, I've called out to that girl standing at the peak: "Hey, why don't you quit slacking up there and help me," "Why can't I see you," "What's the easiest way up?"

She wouldn't answer. As I climbed, I imagined what Future Jennie looked like, what kinds of things she would say, who her friends were, what color backpack she'd used to get to the top. None of her attributes or possessions looked like what I had. Her abs were definitely tighter. She was eloquent…or maybe she just put together coherent sentences without stumbling over herself. She had genuine friends who loved and cared for her dearly, not temporarily. Her backpack was pink and grey and mine was clearly black and blue. The more she ignored my cries for help and revelation, the louder I shouted,  "Throw me a shoe," "This dude I know I'm supposed to marry just texted me, 'Hi', what do I reply," "Shout out some core exercises for me!"

The louder my shouts to Future Jennie became, the more I stumbled as I climbed. At first, those rocks were small, then bigger ones caused me to roll my ankles (a lot). I walked face-first into boulders, fell flat on my face after tripping over massive tree stumps, and stepped on one-too-many snakes as angry shouts grew louder. As I continued to drag my feet, my voice tired and eventually petered out. I decided she was never going to answer so I diverted my attention to my climb. I realized I was on the backside of the mountain and I'd missed who knows how many days of spectacular view. I had to stop.
  
My eyes wanted to look in every direction, all at once. I looked below me and saw the places where I'd fallen, but I could also see the footprints leading away from those spills.  I looked around and ahead of me and saw the hand-holds that would pull me up to the next flat as well as the rocks I would need to avoid on the way up.  However, when I looked up, there was still no Future Jennie at the top. She'd abandoned me.  How dare her.

I started to call for her but I heard my echo: my own voice, bouncing off the other cliffs just to return to me.  I suddenly felt like a fool.  For the entirety of the climb, I'd been shouting to no one but myself.  Little did I care to know or recognize, my shouts were heard by the One who stood at the top of the mountain, who carried me over the obstacles, and who walked with me even when my shouts were nothing but noise.  And those little stumbles? They made me a little bit tougher. The big falls? They weren't anything that couldn't or wouldn't heal.

"Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is." -1 John 3:2

"Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul." -3 John 1:2

So now I'm at the beautiful ledge, trying to soak in the view I've missed for so long, hanging out with my Trail Guide who calls me "Beloved." I can clearly see all the mess below me, but I know it's okay because I won't fall down there. There is no Future Jennie. She's a make-believe person who could never do what I already accomplish so well.  With this body, with this mind, and with this heart I will continue to climb. What once were shouts of anger will become songs of joy, because I am climbing toward beauty, grace, and glory beyond comprehension.                  

All Day, Err-day

    Ever had one of those moments when you know God's right there with you?  You're absolutely overwhelmed by his presence and may be driven to raise your hands, sing, or, dare I say, cry?  You realize the things you've been worried about are already taken care of?  For me, this moment tends to creep up on me during worship at church. When I lived in Dallas, that moment hit me every Sunday at The Village.  I walked into church knowing the Holy Spirit was going to move in me and I left every week wiping the tears from my cheeks.

Lately, though, I've been shaking my fists at God, asking Him why in the heck he's not making me cry during worship.  Why Lord? Why aren't you making me feel like I should fall to my knees and cry my eyes out?  Why am I not crying my makeup off and walking out of church looking like a complete nutcase?  Week after week, I've walked away from worship frustrated God wasn't moving like I thought He should be.

Then, Friday night happened.  I started reading Steven Furtick's Greater and let's just say things the Lord has been trying to show me for a long time came to fruition in a tangible, fall-to-your-knees-and-cry-your-makeup-off kind of way.

How much time had I wasted worrying about why my time in worship wasn't "doing it" for me?  Over the past few months, as I prayed about my struggles, I thought about advice pointing me toward verses like James 1:2 (Count it in all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds). Therefore I thought, "The answer is worship.  I just need to turn on my feel-good music and listen or sing along.  That'll fix everything."  If we're being completely honest, most feel-good Christian music is pretty bad and it doesn't do much for me because, well, it's Pop radio with a greater message.     

 How selfish of it was me to think that worship was for me?  What about all those people who've never felt the Holy Spirit move like that?  Would it have been too much for me to pray for someone else to receive that blessing? I've been so self-centered to use worship as a tool for myself. Gimme, gimme, gimme, Lord!    

As I sat in the floor of my living room, I understood what it means for God to meet us where we are.  I had trapped myself in the tunnel vision of church worship.  I was convinced church was the place where I was closest to the Lord.  However, God has been trying to get it through my thick head that if I'm open-minded enough to realize His work in every aspect of my life, that closeness happens a whole lot more often than once a week for fifteen minutes.  What's even cooler is realizing I can worship Him without music at all.  Worship is setting aside time to dive into the Word.  Worship can be a conversation.  Worship can be a success at work.  Worship can be a moment of vulnerability, face down in your living room floor.

There have been a few moments when I thought my miserable life was so depressing there was no real reason to worship at all.  Luckily, worship isn't about praising God for the hell life can be, but praising Him for already getting us through those times and saving a spot for us in His Kingdom:

'Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably, with reverence and awe, for our "God is a consuming fire."
      -Hebrews 12:28-29

Not only is there so much better in store for us, but God's love consumes every aspect of our lives.  He's desires to control every aspect of our lives to shape us for good, not only for others, but for ourselves. If you ask me, that's a reason to worship...even outside the church walls.  

Did I Do That?

You've had the conversation.  You know, someone asks you what your regrets in life are.  Chances are this question either dive bombs straight into a heart-to-heart or you quickly say, "I don't have any," and you sit in awkward silence until someone can think of a new topic.

The latter has always been true for me.  I'm always the one to say, "I don't have any regrets. It happened, it's over, I moved on." What about you?  Do you dwell on actions you either deliberately or unintentionally made that didn't turn out so hot?  Do you, like me, scoff at the idea of having regrets because that clearly means you actually screwed up?  Obviously, I'm perfect, so I'm gonna cling to that "No Regrets" reply until my fingers go numb.

On two separate occasions this morning, I was shown that while my answer to the question isn't necessarily wrong, it's grounded in an incorrect and selfish ideology.  Take note:

"I have no regrets because everything I did made me who I am today. I made those choices, I'm alive, I'm a pretty good person now."

Then, there's the other camp that's equally wrong:

"I have plenty of regrets because I feel badly about the things I've done and I wish I never would have made those choices.  It hurts me to think I did those things and sometimes those regrets impact my life today."

Lots of personal pronouns in there.  We tend to think of our past and our actions in light of how they impacted us.  Certainly, there are times when our actions hurt others, but whether we regret or stand by those actions, that stance in grounded in how that makes us feel in the long run.  Whether you choose to believe it or not, that shame, that guilt, is sin rearing its head to get at us.  But sin, y'all, isn't just something that happens, it's something that actively separates us from the only One who can redeem.  When we selfishly view that sin, we lose sight of how it has impacted our relationship with Christ, and we end up with the two viewpoints.

On one hand, the sin/action happened, but it ultimately contributed to the "better" person today.  This validates sin in a way that is really scary.  Here, it is because of sin that we are better or stronger people. We must refuse to give sin that power. Its Christ redemption interrupting that sin that saved us from being consumed by it.  By giving sin the power to "make us better," Christ becomes nothing more than an excuse for people to use to call themselves Christians.  You've met this person. You may be this person.

On the other hand, sin dwells and actively eats away at the conscience, to prevent a person from forgiving himself and others.  With this mindset, sin plays its well-known role, in that it prevents us from healing and turning to Christ's love, which opens the doors to freedom.  Here, we totally miss the concept of redemption.  We allow a sin, a (sometimes single) action, to convince us we are not worth a full measure of love and forgiveness and again, we are separated from Christ.

So now school circle, around me.  We have two viewings of our actions (sins), one of which tells us sin actually makes us better, stronger people in the long run, and one of which suggests we must always remember those sins because they were terrible and we shouldn't ever do them again.  So now, enter Christ and enter redemption.

When we feel bad about the things we do, that's called conviction and it's God's way of exposing our shortcomings to us.  What we fail to realize is when we claim responsibility for conquering sins, we don't really heal.  We end up hardened and proud, rather than humbled by our faults.  Christ, y'all, is the reason we can recognize those sins and grow, not out of those sins, but out of Christ's love.  When we hold onto our sins because we feel guilty about letting them go, we miss redemption. Our Creator so longs for us to experience freedom from all that junk, he paid a huge price for it.

And please, for the love of all that is good, realize no amount of action, either good or bad, can get you into or out of Eternity.  Actions of this world remain in this world.  That change of heart, that conviction and mercy, is what gets us where we want to go.  For those who have been judged by Christians for your lifestyle, your actions, or even rumors about your actions, I am so incredibly sorry.  What's cool about Christ is the moment we truly recognize those sins before Him, he asks, "What sin," and moves forward.

Love keeps no record of wrongs.  Your actions, both good and bad, hold no weight in your redemption. It's Christ's love, his heart, his sacrifice that justifies your salvation. So let's restructure our regret sentence with a little help.

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" Romans 3:23

"He sent redemption to his people.  He has commanded his covenant forever. Holy and awesome is His name!" Psalm 111:9

"He saved us, not because of works done by us in righteous, but according to his own mercy by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior." Titus 3:5-6    

We all sin.  God loves us and has promised redemption and he's good on his word.  Nothing we can do can get us to Heaven or condemn us to Hell, because Jesus, quite literally, paid it all. Therefore, I know I have sinned, but God's love and forgiveness has helped me recognize it and through him, I have grown and learned to love. For you pessimists, this sounds like a too-good-to-be-true, give me a break, fantasy idea. That's the magnitude of it all. We (understandably) don't comprehend and can't conceptualize that kind of love and forgiveness. Take heart in the fact that we are not condemned to a life of regret, but we are welcomed to redemption and freedom in a full, joyous life God has for us.                      

When I Get to Glory I'm Gonna...

Music.  Luckily it's played a unique and significant role in my life for as long as I can remember.  I remember sitting at the foot of Mom and Dad's bed while Dad played his guitar and sang (sometimes hilariously inappropriate) songs for Maggie and I.  On the road to dance class, I heard everything from Classical to Country, Musicals and Big Band.  I learned I wasn't worth my weight in gold unless I could pick out the whine of a fiddle and follow a lead whether it was a half- or two-step or a waltz.

I was reminded on Wednesday just how much music moves me.  Wednesday's my day to tutor at Junction Christian Academy in Hobbs.  I spend three hours with kiddos from K-4th grade and I only enjoy it so much because we're on the same level.  So nice to finally find someone who shares my passion for "We Sing Silly Songs" and writing the alphabet...in print and cursive.

This week, I wrapped up the day with Mrs. June's 3rd grade class.  After picking up rocks from the playground and using them to practice spelling words, we headed inside to sing a few songs.  Mrs. June told me I could leave, but I told her I would be happy to hang out with the kids until they left for the day.  The kids all looked up at the projector screen, waiting for Mrs. June to pick the song she wanted.  A grainy YouTube video popped up, and I noticed the title: "Thank You Soldiers-Veteran's Day/Memorial Day Song."  I thought, "Well, that's neat," as I smirked a little and waited for the music to play.

I would love to stop there and be able to say, "They sang, it was cute, we went home.  Yay music," but as the song played and the kids started singing, the tears skipped the lump in my throat and went straight to my eyes.   

 "When I lay my head down at night, and go to sleep in peace, I can stay there knowing all is well knowing you're standing on your feet." 

That's how the song starts and it's all downhill from there.  Yes, it's corny.  Yes, it's simple.  Yes, some of the kids were picking their noses with the eraser end of a pencil.  However, what was so cool was neither Mrs. June nor those kids know I am a Marine.  I stood at the back of the room, my arms crossed, realizing those kids were saying, "Thank you," to all of my brothers and sisters.  I found myself singing with them, thanking the ones who went before me and the ones who are with me now.

A lot of vets will tell you the only thing they want is some resemblance of gratitude.  They don't necessarily need to be called out and thanked in public or recognized for a valiant achievement.  Just show a little bit of grace and try to understand just how much so many of those men and women have given.  My hope, and what moved me so much, was that song and how it might affect those kids.  That song and those lyrics help them understand this country and the individuals who serve it are remarkable.  Mrs. June probably won't ever read this, but I hope she knows how much I appreciate her for giving vets that honor, even it seems like a minimal gesture.               

Then, last night when I went to pick up Dad, I found him at Uncle Tommy's house, strumming away at some classic favorites and some that are...only known in the Pearson circle.  Uncle Tommy immediately made me a drink and I sat back, soaking up the words and the rhythms that have comforted me, made me laugh, and brought tears to my eyes for twenty-two years.  We didn't care what time it was or how loud we were.  We knew we were going to lose sleep, but I curled up in Uncle Tommy's denim jacket and refused to move. In that moment, we knew nothing could beat what the four of us had, because the songs held us together and we would have been foolish to let go too soon.   

         

Conviction

So I had a really, really hard experience in Philosophy today.  I've noticed a trend throughout the semester with the students in the class that argue against Christianity.  The class is not supposed to cover religious premises, but it's almost impossible for them not to come up, as the topics we discuss pose moral dilemmas.   


Just as a prelude, here's the video we watched at the end of class:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_hyT7_Bx9o


Okay, so if you watched it, you might know why I was so deeply disturbed.  If you aren't sure what the big hubbub is, let me tell you. 


Let me first say that I'm not angry or upset at the people that made the video.  What hurts me the most is that we, as Christians have largely failed to do what Christ has called us to do.  I felt such a sense of conviction and wrongness after watching this video because it caused me to ask myself, "How do I present God to the world?  What do my actions say about salvation?"


Jack Black's portrayal of Jesus just really, really hurts.  This "Jesus" uses the Bible to turn Christianity against itself by claiming Christians pick and choose which rules we want to follow and which rules we want to overlook.  First of all, that's not the way Christianity works, but I will admit that is the way we as Christians and sinners often behave.  Secondly, I think the greatest problem with this video and many others' arguments against Christianity is the lack of understanding of salvation that is given to us through Christ's life, death, and resurrection.


Some recognize the Bible calling for husbands to stone their wives (Deuteronomy 22) and for us to carry out the "eye for an eye" ideal (Exodus 21:23-25).  However, Jesus tells us these things in the New Testament:
      “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also." 
       --Matthew 5:38-39
      "Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?” This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground.  And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground.  But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him.  Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”
     --John 8:4-11


This is what's so incredible about Christianity: Jesus.  When He died on the cross, we were told, "It is finished"  (John 19:30).  But what was finished?  So many things.  God's covenant to us was fulfilled, completed in the flesh.  Jesus showed us how to live and breathe as God's people.  Jesus is the example of the characteristics of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control that we are called to exude as God's children (Galatians 5:22).  Jesus' incredible sacrifice saved us from having to seek retribution from others for their wrongdoings.  It saved us from having to stone sinners because Jesus sacrifice literally covered it all.  


      Hard to believe?  Yeah, Christianity is pretty incredible.  We sin, we do bad things, but the fact that Jesus died for those sins makes everything okay.  All He asks we do is believe He is our savior.  Knowing He made that sacrifice and seeing how Christians have presented themselves is why I feel so convicted.  We have suggested to the world that we are better than everyone, that we pick and choose our morality.  What the heck, y'all.  I've done so many things so incredibly wrong, how can I possibly look down on others?  But of course, I still do. 


Jesus is love.  I'm so proud to live in a country where I am allowed to express that love freely, without government intervention. And that is why I will defend my country: to defend that freedom.  Yeah, I'm trained to kill and sometimes that's hard to grapple with, but more than anything, my objective is to protect my country, love those who don't understand my faith, and hope to show Christ's mercy to those who only know hate.  


If you aren't a Christian, I pray that you will understand Christianity is not about condemning others for their sins and trying to be "better" than everyone else.  Christianity is about shaping our lives to show God's love for everyone and sometimes we just get that horribly wrong.  To Christians, take this as a challenge.  Allow God to absolutely change your life and fill your heart with love, mercy, compassion, and personal conviction.  God has been so, so good to us.  Let's return the favor.