Good Dirt

Before I get all philosophical, I'll catch y'all up with where I am.  In the past 6 months, I've experienced all the highs and lows of being a platoon commander.  I have the privilege of caring for and being mentored by some of the funniest, most interesting, most dynamic people I'm sure I'll ever meet.  We've seen the disappointment of alcohol-related incidents and the pride of awards and recognition for outstanding achievement.  I've been to South Korea, Tokyo, and Osaka, and I'm getting ready to head up a detachment going to Darwin, Australia for six months.  Thanks to each of you who has prayed and sent good vibes in my direction! Now, back to your not-so-regularly scheduled blog:

I can't credit myself with these profound words, but they're profound nonetheless:

You aren't the gardener who tends and tills and causes things to grow.  You aren't the reason there is new life and you aren't responsible for affecting the newness of change.  All you have to be is good dirt; be good, fertile soil where the roots have a chance to take hold and bloom.

I probably speak for many of you when I say I've heaped an unbearable weight on my shoulders, and now that I'm smack dab in the middle of a uniquely challenging season of life, that extra weight is especially burdensome.  As I continue to try to work myself out of this ebbed season of life, I make myself more exhausted, become more self-centered, and avert my focus from ensuring I'm good dirt where the Lord can do his work.

Men wiser than me echo everything I have said or will say, but in this time and in this era, we cannot forget that we are not the Gardener.  We are not the Shepherd.  To entrust ourselves with that much power and that much responsibility is unrealistic, exhausting, and disastrous.  What a relief it is to know it's not my responsibility to affect change in the lives around me.  All I have to be is good dirt.

I don't have to work toward salvation, I just have to be good dirt.

I don't have to do my own tilling, pruning, or planting, I just have to be good dirt.

Each slip-up, each triumph, each hard lesson, justifies the grace of the cross.  He came "not to call the righteous, but sinners" (Mark 2:17).  The cross is where the weight of our disobedience and the heaviness of our burden are so gracefully and unselfishly placed upon our Savior's shoulders.  The cross is not for the perfect and certainly not for the righteous. The cross is for the sinner in desperate need of the life-changing grace of Christ's sacrifice.

Friends, whether you're like me and beat yourself up for falling short of the unrealistic expectation of perfection or you're indifferent about sin, our God is not one who relies on you to do his work.  Regardless of the season, regardless of your talents, and regardless of where you find your center, He will complete his work and good will always win.  We are so deeply loved by a Father who is utterly unshakeable.

Never lose heart, y'all.  Just be good dirt.  

Wobble, Baby

Suicide Cliff, near Naha

Konnichi wa! I made it to the island, and what a warm welcome it's been. God has marvelously shown his beauty here through the kindest, warmest people I've ever met and incredible scenery surrounding me in every direction.


The food, people, scenes, customs...are all incredible and affirm my choice to come to Oki. It smells, feels, looks, and acts differently than America and it's so cool to see how a different society functions.  As cool as the United States is, I understand the wanderlust mentality and the beauty that is experiencing cultures different from my own.

Not quite the desert flowers from The Land of Enchantment

Now, I didn't at all expect to be handed a uniquely challenging set of cards as soon as I got on island, but last Thursday while playing rugby, I fractured my fibula and perhaps tore a tendon in my lower leg.  I'll have surgery on the leg next Friday to install some plates and screws in the bone and potentially repair that tendon, should it in fact be torn.  Crutches for at least six weeks, shouldn't expect to be out of a boot for twelve.  These past few days have been a mix of all kinds of emotions and conversations, frustrations and speculation, but I'm finally at a place of determination and action.   
I could be totally unrealistic and say I'm not upset at all and I'm sure God has something great coming for me. When Doc told me I might be out 12 weeks, anger and bitterness were probably written all over my face. How could this happen to me? I take such good care of myself. I'm always the one going out of her way to make sure she's physically ready. Why me? Why now? I wanted to grab up my crutches, tell Doc I'd be fine, and get back to work.  I'm indestructible, the bone will heal, and that tendon will just have to be a little bit loose from now on.

Reality quickly set in and I realized I have a challenge ahead of me, and that challenge is no different than any other one I've taken on voluntarily.  It's time to show whether or not I really can handle adversity and make it a good thing.  Do I understand why I broke my fibula? No, of course I don't.  Am I frustrated? Of course I am. However, that does not illicit self-pity or discouragement because, "convinced of [God's ability to use me] I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith." (Philippians 1:25) and "...we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces character, and character produce hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." (Romans 5:3-4).

At the end of the day, we all have jobs to do, both for the world and for our great God.  I have no idea what's next, but I know it is good and there's no reason to hang my head.  Even on crutches, I can and will contribute.  So friends, I think it's time to get my cast signed, block up the clutch on my car, and cut up my upper body, because there's work to be done and I want to be part of it.  I know so many of you may find yourselves in a place of discouragement, but take heart, friends, because we serve a loving God who does not cause us the pain we experience, but wants to graciously bring us out of that hurt and into the goodness of a life lived with Him.  In the meantime, enjoy this guy and enjoy the heck out of your week.

Don't worry guys, I'll be back at it in no time.