Let Go My Soul

So tonight I uh, duked it out with God.

I drove to Charleston this weekend, knowing I needed some time to set my soul right.  I ate dinner my first night with total strangers in a random restaurant downtown, and I ended tonight with my hands in the air, crying and singing in a church full of brothers and sisters. It was one of those good cries--men, I know you don't get it--but it was so incredibly necessary.

Through those tears, I was saying, "It is well. It is well. It is well with me."

I've sung those lyrics so many times, but tonight it wasn't so well with me.  "God I don't want to do this. Why did I so blindly choose to go to Japan? I'm happy here. God please don't make me do this."  I surprised myself with my own rebellion.  Where did that come from?

Then I took the Communion bread. "Beloved I did this for you."

Father God, I have doubted your goodness. I've trusted my heart over your Word. 

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."  No wonder Romans 8:28 is my Mammaw's favorite verse.  Tonight, it's a reminder, not just that good things are in store, but that God is good and he is love and he intends good for me, just because I love him.

How can I doubt that Jesus, who went so far as to die so I might "have life and have it abundantly" (John 10:10), would not intend only the very best for me?  The same God who created the universe, who heals the brokenhearted, who sets the captives free, is in my corner.  He's intended so much good for me, so much joy, and so much life, yet I've tried to control and manipulate the outcome to fit how I think it should look.  

So tonight, it might mean Japan, the Middle East, Camp Lejeune, or sitting on the back of a horse in New Mexico.  It might mean friendships, parting of ways, triumphs, and failures.  Tonight it might mean abundance, it might mean poverty, it might mean death, but surely He will always lead to life and I will say it is well. It is well. It is well with me.

   


   

    

Internal Affairs

Welcome to 2015, everyone!

As to be expected, most of y'all are still hanging tough with the resolutions you've made, or maybe doing some serious reflecting on 2014, determining what steps you will take to make 2015 successful.  I ended 2014 with a blog on a reputable charity I think does a whole lot of good.  However, brought to the forefront of my mind the past few weeks has been the people immediately around me.  The nationally-popular charities to which we contribute are great, but rarely do they meet the needs of our neighbors, our friends, our families, etc.  What are we doing to care for those in the near vicinity of our lives?

This isn't a rich/poor, have/have-not issue.  What we must do is take an honest look at our service: how the lives of those around us flourish because of our work, our prayers, and our selflessness.  There's nothing wrong with wanting to be healthier, more financially responsible, or less smart phone dependent, but what end are those goals helping to reach?  More free time? More money? A smaller dress size?

"Spending ourselves for something infinitely greater still fans our parched souls for God-given need to matter but relieves us of the relentless pain of being the "It" person at the center of it."  This Beth Moore quote hit me hard one morning and hasn't left me since.  Our souls long to serve.  I'm always amazed at the magnitude of human compassion and the good that has been done by the simplest of individuals.  I've caught myself writing a check or dropping money in an offering plate, knowing someone else would do something good for someone I'll never meet.  How much greater is the service when we use our money or time to directly serve our neighbors, perhaps in a time or place that directly affects our lives as well? 

We're comfortable passing the responsibility, careful never to dirty our hands with others' trouble, but not hesitating to bury our noses in others' tribulations.  We (and I include myself) are so quick to forget our need for forgiveness and the despair we feel during those dark days.  Rather than giving in to the drama, feeding the fire, and not looking like the rest of the world, my hope is that we will shine bright with hope in 2015.  I have faith, not in our abilities as individuals, but in our capability for good when it is centered around Christ and encouraged by brothers and sisters working toward that same good.  We have work to do, certainly.  However, I refuse to fall into the life of selfishness and disconnectedness that's been set for my generation without a fight. You're never too young to make a difference, you're never too old to change.


This is just a little extra for y'all.  In light of the deplorable job we've done approaching race relations in our nation, Matt Chandler beautifully lays out our role as Christians:

"Where the ideal is lacking, grace abounds."

http://www.thevillagechurch.net/sermon/racial-reconciliation-prayer-2015/          

Wishin' and Hopin'

Another week closer to the Christmas 96...and time for another charity!

While I was at SMU, I had the opportunity to familiarize myself with the Make-A-Wish Foundation, thanks to Chi Omega.  I got to see first-hand how the foundation grants wishes and gives kids reasons to be joyful, despite their disheartening situations.  Make-A-Wish is a nationwide organization and Chi Omega worked closely with its North Texas affiliate.  We saw a variety of wishes granted to include trips to Disney World, runway modeling, and celebrity meetings.

Make-A-Wish aims to grant these wishes, not just to allow kids the opportunity to do cool things, but to give them joy and hope: tools that may give them the strength and determination to fight off their life-threatening conditions.  The good that this organization does is magnificent and I am so honored to have played even a small role in granting wishes.

You may donate to Make-A-Wish here, or, if you would like to recommend a child to Make-A-Wish, you may do that here.

God Bless, Everyone! 

Kiddos

Happy Sunday, everyone!

Hope everyone's Christmas season is off to a joyful and meaningful start.  As promised, I'm blogging about another organization that I think is worthy of your giving this Christmas.

Toys for Tots has been a name I have recognized for a long time, but it (obviously) began to mean much more to me after I decided to join the Marine Corps.  Certainly, Toys for Tots can boast national participation, but I think what's even more impressive about it is the loud message it sends about the heart of Marines.  While Marines have every opportunity to shake hands, kiss babies, and receive recognition for their sacrificial service, every year these men and women volunteer (okay, some are volun-told) even more of their time to give kiddos just a little more joy every Christmas.  I sponsored Toys for Tots drives in both Dallas and Lea county last year and in 2012 and was amazed at the participation.  I'm convinced there are fewer things more convincing than a Marine in Blues!

Toys for Tots drop boxes and warehouses can be found all over the country and those locations can be found here. If you would rather make a monetary donation, further information for that can be found here.   

Merry Christmas and Semper Fidelis!

Much is Required

Well y'all, there are a lot of things I can address.  I've started the next stage of my career at Marine Corps Engineer School, there's chaos in Missouri, we're repositioning ourselves in Afghanistan...take your pick.

I always get sentimental around this time of year because so much emotion and meaning is wrapped up into one month.  I get to celebrate the birth of the man who came to save my life, but I'm also reminded my family is missing a few members with whom we used to share these awesome memories.  Even more, I'm reminded of the families and individuals who have nowhere to go, no one with whom they can celebrate, no special table to sit at on Thanksgiving, or don't have the means to celebrate with gifts on Christmas morning.  When I take a second to step outside myself, I realize there's a lot of good to be done around this season.  So this year, I'm not only pledging not to shop on Thanksgiving and Black Friday, but rather than asking for  Christmas presents I don't need, I'm encouraging y'all to donate to non-profits and support local families you know may be in need.

"But the one who did not know, and did what deserved a beating, will receive a light beating.  Everyone to whom much was given, much will be required, and from him, to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more." -Luke 12:48 (ESV)

"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace." -1 Peter 4:7-10 (ESV)

By focusing our efforts outward, we might be a reflection of the power of love and genuine good-hearted giving this holiday season. Not everyone has the same means to donate, but we certainly have the means to give a little.  Our hearts break for different types of people, so my hope is you will reach out and give to those people in some way, however small, this Christmas.  Each week up through Christmas, I'll feature a non-profit to which you can give or support.  Whether you choose to radically change the way you "do" Christmas, you choose to donate just a little more than usual, or you do nothing more than read this blog, I hope you'll take a moment to keep those struggling and hurting families in your thoughts and prayers.

I became aware of HCC (Honor Courage Commitment, Inc.) through Major J.J. Wilson (USMCR), who was earning his MBA at SMU while I was there for undergrad. My big brother and Marine mentor, David Cantu Jr. put us in touch and through that friendship, I immediately began to understand the brotherhood the Marine Corps can be.  Major Wilson, along with other veterans, started HCC in 2011 with the mission: "To transition elite military veterans into becoming elite entrepreneurs and business leaders who will then create jobs and make positive impacts in their communities."

HCC has committed to that mission and carries it out within the community and through organizations like 22Kill, which aims to raise awareness about and prevent the tragedy of veteran suicide.  I'm highlighting HCC and 22Kill this week because I believe in their mission and I know the work that has been poured into making sure our military vets are cared for in the best possible manner.  These selfless volunteers remind me that despite the unease we may feel or the tension that may be portrayed over the news, there are outstanding human beings willing to go above and beyond to care for others.  That's more than enough reason for me to have a reason to be thankful on Thursday.     

Visit these websites to watch a few videos and find out more about donations and volunteering. 

22KILL 

Honor Courage Commitment, Inc.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

   

Hasta Luego

Not really sure how I ended up at the end of October, but it's here.  As with everything else, I had the greatest intentions of keeping everyone up-to-date with what's going on at TBS, how I'm doing, the people I've met, all that jazz.  Now, here we are, on the other side of all graded events, two training days away from graduation and one week away from checking into Engineer Officer School in Camp Lejeune.  Since when did I stop being a baby second lieutenant without an MOS and start becoming a responsible officer, ready to take on a platoon of Marines?

Summer brought with it more FEXs, some rain, another E-course, lots of classes, and more graded events and tests than I care to remember.  I flew in (and came to dislike) Marine Corps Ospreys, was a machine gunner on an M240, called for fire on an enemy platoon, and spent an afternoon with engineers in a defense.  I've laughed more, prayed more, and lost and recovered more of my temper than I knew was possible.  We concluded TBS with one final event: The War.  Alpha group (1st, 3rd, and 5th platoons) came out victorious (as was to be expected) and I was colder, wetter, and collectively more miserable than I've ever been at one time. Keep on smiling, Pearson.  You love this stuff.  Can't count the number of times I had to remind myself of that, even if it felt like a lie.

Last night, another first:  Mess night gave me a chance to relish in the bond cast by this 239 year-old brotherhood and the six months marked by days when we looked at each other and asked, "What the hell are we doing?"  Before being forced to say a temporary goodbye this morning, one of my fire team members and I made a pact: we're coming back to TBS as SPCs together...and thank God it's a small Marine Corps.  I trust these guys with my life and am encouraged by the character and drive of the men and women who are soon to be entrusted with the wellbeing of young Marines.

For the most part, we're all of bunch of 23/24 year-olds who, at some point in their lives, got the insane idea to join the toughest, least forgiving, most challenging branch of America's armed services...and we never came back to our senses.  Whether we're lifers or we're back in the civilian world after one duty station, we'll be entrusted to make harder decisions, care for more lives, and see more conflict than many Americans will over the course of a lifetime.

When I started all this, I had no idea the responsibility that would be heaped on my shoulders.  Hell, I didn't even know the difference between officer and enlisted.  All I knew was I wanted a challenge, and I wanted lead.  The Marine Corps has already given me more than I could ask of it, however unwelcome some of that may be.  I've been challenged and I've failed, my bearing and patience have been pushed to the edge, and I've fallen flat on my face, only to get the heck over it and stand back up.  There's no room for poor leadership and there's certainly no time to try to gain sympathy for my failures and shortcomings.

Wednesday, 5 November, will quite literally mark a new phase for me.  The Marine Corps is throwing me a birthday party (okay, maybe not, but I can pretend) in the form of TBS graduation.  I'll be one year older and one step closer to being a real-life officer with a real-life platoon.  I'll say a quick "hi" and "bye" to Mom and Dad, watch Steph get married, then start my five months at engineer school.  Then, no matter how bitter-sweet it will be, I'll say some sure-to-be tearful adios-es and head to Okinawa, Japan for a couple years-away from the US, away from Slick, away from my boyfriend, away from my family, and away from everything that's been comfortable for twenty-four years.

Y'all, these are exactly the things for which I've hoped and asked.  Yes, a lot of what I'll be doing will be uncomfortable and new.  However, I'm a firm believer we'll never know the extent of our capability for good if we don't step outside our comfort zones to meet those who need us.  The last thing the world needs is an entitled, comfortable, yo-pro looking to emulate her life based on society's idea of success.  So, here's to TBS for helping me realize that.  Here's to TBS for making me a better leader, a more competent individual, and an ardent believer in God's plan for my life.  Here's to TBS for making me a little bit tougher and a whole lot more self-aware.  There you have it, Marine Corps, you're doing something right, and if your officers don't meet the standard, it's no one's fault but our own.  Until next time, stay frosty, stay spicy. S/F.                  

The Other Other Side

I said I'd be back on the other side of Range Week...

Range Week(s?) started at the end of May. Holy cow. By far the most miserably fun time I've had at TBS thus far. I thought I loved to shoot, but Range Week equipped me with tools I can use to recognize my mistakes and improve my marksmanship, rather than just blasting holes in paper/animals. My pistol shooting went downhill pretty quickly as the week progressed, but my rifle kept improving, so I'll take it. At the end of the day, I got to play with guns with my favorite Marines. Can I really complain?

The weeks since Range Week have been spent in garrison, taking classes, and running a few random PT events. We (all of TBS) were fortunate enough to attend Medal of Honor recipient Corporal Kyle Carpenter's flag ceremony at the Marine Barracks in Washington, D.C. If you don't know this young man's story, you're missing out.  Here's an interview he did with David Letterman just a few days ago. Cpl Carpenter is humble and gracious, as well as he epitomizes the values our Corps holds so dearly. I am impressed with him, not only because he displayed an incredible act of selflessness, but has used his platform, not to elevate himself, but to recognize his brothers and sisters and to set an incredible example for all Marines of all ranks to follow. 

The deeper we get into tactics, planning, and weapons systems(!!), the more confirmation I get about what I've chosen to do with (at least) the next three years of my life. This is what distinguishes Marine officers from others: we all have basic foundations in infantry platoon tactics. When we leave TBS, we all will know how to plan, deliver, and execute an operation order to a platoon. We're competent, we're eager, and we're well-trained. JAGs and Infantry officers alike will have endured the hell that is Range Week, the pain that is the E-course, the exhaustion of the FEXs, and the fun that is TBS Mess Night. Take heart, y'all, the Marine Corps is doing a fantastic job.

So, yes. I'm doing well. I'm confident in how I lead and who I am as an individual. I want to be tested and I know I need to fail because I want to learn. There's just so much to soak up and learn how to apply while we're here. I'd be crazy to think I know it all. We just completed our first round of platoon peer evaluations and I was comforted (though incredibly frustrated) at how hard it was to rank one member higher or lower than another. The Marine Corps draws the best...how cool to count myself a small player amongst all that.

God continually blesses us here and there are days when I feel like I'll never be able to give Him enough credit. It's so easy to think I got to TBS on my own, by my own hard work, with my own ability. Nothing I've done has been done aside from God. I can't brag, I can't take credit. Don't get me wrong, I would love to brag and soak up the glory, and it's way easier for me to shine the light on myself rather than pointing it in the right direction. TBS, however weird and nonsensical it may sound, is a practice in both confidence and humility. It's the building of my confidence in God's hand on my life and the breaking down of my self-centered tendencies. So, yes, most people can have a come-to-Jesus moment working a 9-5, "normal" job, but God had to send me to TBS to get the job done.  I'll take it. 'rah.

'til next time!