Perfection

Sometimes I stop and ask myself what in THE HECK I am doing. Is this really what college is all about? I’ve gotten so used to four-and-a-half hours of sleep a night and for some reason, I just don’t think that’s exactly what college is supposed to be. I can't really complain because my feelings are not unique at SMU. This is a dilemma for so many of my close friends, classmates, and “involved” students all across this campus. We are all struggling and this environment is a stressful one in which we’re oftentimes so exhausted and fed-up that we can scarcely stand to be around one another. We’re irritable, secluded, and busy. These hearts that are supposed to love and embrace one another have become hard hard stones that no one can penetrate. We’re constantly bothered by this sense of urgency, this sense of…sometimes hopelessness that we’ll never get everything done and that we’ll never really be rested. Rested. Indeed we want to be rested in the physical sense, but our minds are completed overloaded with information, dates, deadlines, meetings, lunches, coffees, presentations, essays, practices, and planning that we can’t possibly ever reach that status: Rested. It’s the constant need to achieve and succeed above your peers. It’s that constant desire to do better, to be better, to impress, to get that grade. It’s the pull not to let your teachers, parents, and friends down and to be the one that “has everything together.” How are we expected to succeed if we cannot complete everything that’s asked of us on time and to the absolute best of our abilities? Disappointment? That word isn’t even in our dictionary. We will succeed. We are failing. Every essay, presentation, and event we complete is an utter failure. We spend so much time doing these things for ourselves. I’ll admit, I’m probably the worst offender. I want to be the best. It must be perfect. I cannot fail. I, I, I. Me, me, me. How many times do we let our pride get in the way of our well-being and our pursuit of Jesus Christ? We have to make sure our image is reputable and attractive. We weren’t designed to be machines, but that’s oftentimes how we treat our bodies. So what is it gonna be? How do we fix this problem? Well I’m gonna go for the obvious answer: Prayer. And no I don’t mean just asking God to help you with your workload or magically having your teacher cancel class on Thursday (thank, you Jesus). I mean deep, meaningful, get-lost-in-the-moment-and-forget-where-you-are prayer. It’s a challenge for me and maybe it’s a challenge for you. What does change look like for you? For me, it’s waking up in the morning and feeling ready for a great practice, rather than being exhausted from late-night homework and worry about who I haven’t pleased that day. Mentally, it’s happiness and appreciation for the day at hand, rather than this bitter, wish-I-was-out-of-college mindset. It’s seeing OCS this summer as a challenge rather than a break from SMU. It’s looking in the mirror and seeing the positive rather than criticizing every flaw. It’s happiness…real happiness. More than anything, I pray you know your own heart and are pursuing those things that truly bring you joy. So many times I find myself making decisions based on what will please others rather than what will please God and that just leaves my heart and my mind in a crummy place. So what is it you’re pursuing?