Not really sure how I ended up at the end of October, but it's here. As with everything else, I had the greatest intentions of keeping everyone up-to-date with what's going on at TBS, how I'm doing, the people I've met, all that jazz. Now, here we are, on the other side of all graded events, two training days away from graduation and one week away from checking into Engineer Officer School in Camp Lejeune. Since when did I stop being a baby second lieutenant without an MOS and start becoming a responsible officer, ready to take on a platoon of Marines?
Summer brought with it more FEXs, some rain, another E-course, lots of classes, and more graded events and tests than I care to remember. I flew in (and came to dislike) Marine Corps Ospreys, was a machine gunner on an M240, called for fire on an enemy platoon, and spent an afternoon with engineers in a defense. I've laughed more, prayed more, and lost and recovered more of my temper than I knew was possible. We concluded TBS with one final event: The War. Alpha group (1st, 3rd, and 5th platoons) came out victorious (as was to be expected) and I was colder, wetter, and collectively more miserable than I've ever been at one time. Keep on smiling, Pearson. You love this stuff. Can't count the number of times I had to remind myself of that, even if it felt like a lie.
Last night, another first: Mess night gave me a chance to relish in the bond cast by this 239 year-old brotherhood and the six months marked by days when we looked at each other and asked, "What the hell are we doing?" Before being forced to say a temporary goodbye this morning, one of my fire team members and I made a pact: we're coming back to TBS as SPCs together...and thank God it's a small Marine Corps. I trust these guys with my life and am encouraged by the character and drive of the men and women who are soon to be entrusted with the wellbeing of young Marines.
For the most part, we're all of bunch of 23/24 year-olds who, at some point in their lives, got the insane idea to join the toughest, least forgiving, most challenging branch of America's armed services...and we never came back to our senses. Whether we're lifers or we're back in the civilian world after one duty station, we'll be entrusted to make harder decisions, care for more lives, and see more conflict than many Americans will over the course of a lifetime.
When I started all this, I had no idea the responsibility that would be heaped on my shoulders. Hell, I didn't even know the difference between officer and enlisted. All I knew was I wanted a challenge, and I wanted lead. The Marine Corps has already given me more than I could ask of it, however unwelcome some of that may be. I've been challenged and I've failed, my bearing and patience have been pushed to the edge, and I've fallen flat on my face, only to get the heck over it and stand back up. There's no room for poor leadership and there's certainly no time to try to gain sympathy for my failures and shortcomings.
Wednesday, 5 November, will quite literally mark a new phase for me. The Marine Corps is throwing me a birthday party (okay, maybe not, but I can pretend) in the form of TBS graduation. I'll be one year older and one step closer to being a real-life officer with a real-life platoon. I'll say a quick "hi" and "bye" to Mom and Dad, watch Steph get married, then start my five months at engineer school. Then, no matter how bitter-sweet it will be, I'll say some sure-to-be tearful adios-es and head to Okinawa, Japan for a couple years-away from the US, away from Slick, away from my boyfriend, away from my family, and away from everything that's been comfortable for twenty-four years.
Y'all, these are exactly the things for which I've hoped and asked. Yes, a lot of what I'll be doing will be uncomfortable and new. However, I'm a firm believer we'll never know the extent of our capability for good if we don't step outside our comfort zones to meet those who need us. The last thing the world needs is an entitled, comfortable, yo-pro looking to emulate her life based on society's idea of success. So, here's to TBS for helping me realize that. Here's to TBS for making me a better leader, a more competent individual, and an ardent believer in God's plan for my life. Here's to TBS for making me a little bit tougher and a whole lot more self-aware. There you have it, Marine Corps, you're doing something right, and if your officers don't meet the standard, it's no one's fault but our own. Until next time, stay frosty, stay spicy. S/F.
