"Every human being strongly desires...and longs for unfailing love. Lavish love. Focused love. Love we can count on. The taxicab driver, plumber, stockbroker, runway model, actress, streetwalker, drug pusher, school teacher, computer programmer, rocket scientist, doctor, lawyer, president and custodian all year for the same thing--unfailing love."
That's definitely what I feel like I'm needing right now. I woke up with a heaviness on my heart Saturday morning that I just can't explain. I feel like the little Peanuts kid who just walks around with a dust cloud around him! While I know we've all got that "God-shaped hole" we try to fill with so many things other than God, sometimes I like to tell myself somehow God isn't enough.
But God's love is more than enough. No other love on this earth can possibly compare to his unfailing love for us: it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things (1 Corinthians 13: 7). That's the kind of love that just binds me up, taking all my mistakes and shortcomings with it.
Tonight I'm at a loss for words. Surprised? You should be. This heaviness on my heart is more than I can explain but I can certainly feel it! I don't know if it's my heaviness or my lazy weekend self, but it's hard to breathe! Since I don't have much to share, I'll share a prayer with y'all tonight because this is something I do believe wholeheartedly: in one way or another, my prayers will be answered. I have faith in His plan for me and I can only pray to have that same vision for myself. I'm just laying everything out on the table because 1: it helps to write out how I feel and 2: maybe it'll help you grow closer in your conversations with God.
Father God,
Sometimes I don't understand what you make me feel. For the most part I'm always the strong one, always the solid one, but you're trying to reveal something to me and I'm not sure what it is yet. But Lord, I will continue to to seek You and love being in a relationship with You. You know what I want, but Lord I just ask that You hold me close by your side so I may walk in the direction You have for me because that direction is so much better than any way I could ever imagine for myself.
I feel like I'm surrounded by a whole lot of fresh, exciting love while at the same time I'm surrounded by looming brokenness and pain. You are enough for me but I don't want to be comfortable. Lord change me and challenge me. It's so easy to get into a groove while You are calling me to do radical, wonderful things! Lord of course I long for an earthly love you have ordained but more than anything I long for an unbreakable, intimate relationship with You. I can't imagine the love You have for all of us but I pray I will be able to show the world how that love feels. Lord I am so selfish. Change my heart so I may feel for others and treat them in a way that might bring You joy.
God, you are too, too good to me and I am so grateful to be Your beloved. Amen.
