Come Together...Right Now

Saturday morning I found myself sitting in a classroom along with ten other New Mexicans.  Less than 24 hours after the shooting in Connecticut, I was taking the first step in acquiring my Concealed Handgun License.  Yep, talk about ironic.  

In this attempt to focus my efforts away from my own self, I’m gonna just focus for a bit on what all of y’all have said in light of the tragedy in Connecticut last Friday.  Many of you are incredibly hurt, some are angry, and those of you with kiddos of your own have hugged them a little tighter this week.  No matter how you feel about it all, I hope you know this is something that has affected all of us.  Coming together in our grief/anger/frustration may be hard, but it is truly our only option.  Rather than allowing this act of pure evil to divide us, let’s put aside our own selfish, stubborn desires and figure out how we’re going to pick ourselves up and make some sound decisions.

Let me just map out a timeline for you.  Moments after the news broke, Facebook statuses were full of, “Prayers and thoughts being sent to CT,” or “Cannot believe the evil in the world…thoughts to all the families.”  Just hours after the news broke, the political rants and angry slurs filled my newsfeed.  I switched off my iPad, shut my computer, and spent time with my sister, so glad to have her in my life and to be safe at home for a while.  

Friends, we are so incredibly quick to make our thoughts and opinions known.  It’s so easy to publish a tweet, status, blog…you name it. Don’t worry, I am certainly guilty as well.  I don’t know the answers to the problems we now face as a nation.  I do know that after taking my CHL class on Saturday and reading various reactions through media, lack of common sense is a huge problem on both sides of the fence.  The immediate reaction of, “My side is all-right and your side is all-wrong” sickens me.  Another problem we have as a proud nation is admitting we are wrong.  Yeah, sometimes it sucks to have to admit we made the wrong call or misjudged something, but it is an essential action we must take in order to move forward. 

Simply in light of the struggles the families and parents of those kiddos are facing, it makes me sick to see our immediate action: Fiercely arguing with each other.  Make no reservations; something absolutely needs to happen.  However, when either side enters into the, “Yeah right, like the other side is going to cooperate” attitude, we end up in a standstill and the bad guys get their media exposure.  No one wins.  

Like I said, I don’t know the answers.  But let’s be honest, you probably don’t either.  What I do know is that this nation is incredibly diverse and I don’t want to do anything to change that.  We’re setting terrible examples for our children by first resorting to bitter arguing and fighting with each other.  Let’s grow up a little bit.  America has many faults that act as weaknesses, but I ask each of you to ensure that we, the citizens, are this nation’s greatest strength.     

I Don't Mean to Pry...

So I've been told college is about "finding yourself."  I never understood that phrase because I never thought I was lost to begin with.  Well y'all, apparently I've been hiding.  Put on your boots because it's about to get deep.

If you know me, it probably doesn't come as a surprise that, "I can do it," was the first phrase I ever uttered.  I've always been independent and damn proud of it.  Therein lies the trouble: pride.  Sure, I'm independent and strong-spirited, which helps me reach a lot of the goals I set for myself.  But as my incredibly wise mother told me today, pride is something the Enemy has grabbed hold of and sworn to use against me.

I don't ask for help.  I can do it!

I won't ask you to help me talk it out. I can do it!

But the truth is, I can't do it.  Not alone.  The fact that I just admitted that kinda scares me.  To think I'm not capable of doing things on my own suggests vulnerability.  Woah.  Wait up.  I'm not vulnerable. Uh uh.  

Mom and I laughed today about how different Maggie and I are.  She has this big, huge, incredibly loving heart that she wears it on her sleeve for anyone and everyone to trample on.  Time and time again, she's been hurt, yet she continues to put herself out there to love and to be loved.  It's absolutely amazing how resilient she is.

You're lucky if you can get a serious conversation out of me.  In my opinion, no one needs to know and no one probably cares.  End of story.  Emotions?  What're those things? It's poisonous.  I tend to be so internal that I get wrapped up in what I'm doing and what kind of control I have over my own life.  Outwardly, that makes me incredibly inconsiderate and self-indulgent.  Oh hey there, Satan.  Looks like you've been trying to make your way into my life.  

Even if my time is spent doing great things and trying to better myself, when that takes up so much energy that it deters my attention away from those so close to me, we've got a problem.  It's funny because this theme is so well reflected in my blogs.  All my posts are about what I'M feeling...what I'M dealing with...how that bigger-than-me situation affects MY life.  Ain't nobody got time for that!

So...here's goes the honesty.

Being so internal is exhausting and it leaves me with nothing but this incredibly lonely feeling.  Mom put it so well, "Jennie you've got so much to offer, but you've got to learn how to let people in as friends before you can ever expect anything else from anyone."

Seriously.  It seems so stupid and so girly to spill my guts to someone else, but I guess we need that every now and then.  I'm just going to apologize ahead of time to any of The Family who gets to be the receiving end of this new project.  It's gonna be like watching a baby deer learn how to walk, but we're gonna do it.  Here we go.