"We must be cognizant of our words and the realities they create."
Before I share the article from which this quote came, let me share a story with you. I preface it by saying I do not write this with the intent to belittle or condemn anyone. I want girls (and guys) to know they have someone to which they can relate and a truth in which they may take comfort.
I wasn't really a "cool" little kid. Even as I grew out of awkward years into high school, I was still a big nerd. But now...okay I'm still not a cool kid. Taller than everyone, couldn't do my hair, decided to wear heels to school (and didn't stop until the day I graduated), and just really painfully awkward. That was me going into 6th grade. It didn't help that I wanted to play football after lunch and had to have the best grades in every class. The girls didn't like me because I played sports with the guys and the guys didn't like me because I got better grades than them.
Let's stop for a second. Don't be under the illusion that I was hated by everyone. This is far from true. I had friends and I played sports so I was ultimately fine. Let's continue:
I got called everything from Suck Up to Little Miss Perfect, to "West Side" because my teeth were so crooked...I think I even got called a slut at one point in like 7th grade, but I'm chalking it up to someone not knowing what the word means. Hell even a ginormous mole on my back got a name (Charlie) which was, needless to say, mortifying. I only got knocked into a locker one time by an 8th grader, so I think I was lucky. However, there were kids being mocked and tormented, every day, because of who they were. Somewhere along the way, some 6th grader decided whoever his peer "was" wasn't good enough and everyone else decided to jump on the Bully Bandwagon. You know what's sad? That tends to stick with a person.
There for a few weeks, I came home either crying or royally ticked off, usually the latter. Mostly, I was confused. I didn't understand why people didn't like this person my parents worked so hard to help me be and who told me was wonderful. After my classmates and friends came together to sign a proclamation that I was the most selfish, attention-seeking, fake person they knew, I was convinced that who I'd been for my long life of 12 years was incredibly wrong. Soon enough, their harsh words had become my contorted reality.
Throughout the rest of junior high and into high school, I continued doing what I thought would make me successful, but I did it in ways that would make others like me, just to keep from having hate notes written about me again. It took me until all too-recently to stop believing those things I was told about myself. Turns out who I am is an okay person. I'm broken, lazy, silly, impatient, and thoughtless at times. However, I am also joyful, careful, hard-working, focused, and a beloved daughter of Christ. And you? You're beloved too. I didn't mention anything about being too big or small, too dark to to light. Who you are is not confined to what you see in the mirror.
One last thing before this must-read article:
The best thing you can do to become better than the rumors, better than the lies, and better than the unnecessarily harsh words is to forgive. Last thing you wanted to hear, I know, but it's incredibly freeing. Forgiveness doesn't have to be given out loud, person to person, but it is something you must do within your heart and mind. Don't get even with the "bad guy" by making public the ways in which they've wronged you. Zero progress. If you've screwed up, admit it, forgive yourself, and move forward. Evil is a fire...don't allow your retaliation to be the fuel. Sometimes hurt comes from a malicious enemy and sometimes it comes, very painfully, from a dear friend, but it will come. I was lucky enough to have a family who told me from day one that I was made for a purpose and confident, faithful pursuit of that purpose would lead to fullness. If you don't have that same support, please hear it from me. Only you can determine how to handle lies, truths, and other words used against you. Be responsible, but stand up for yourself when you must. I let people tell me lies about myself until I believed them. Beloved child of God, certainly you will be tempted and you will screw up, but take confidence in who you are and refuse to let their hateful words become your reality.
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/deeper-walk/blog/1478-more-than-sticks-and-stones
