I said something out loud today that made me realize I finally believe: “I am peace with where I am.” That’s a pretty loaded statement. The subject of conversation before that comment was dating and relationships, so here’s what I meant:
Lately, a few of my friends and people close to me have just been in a lot of distress about boys and relationships in general. It’s so weird to look at people around you who aren’t that much older and they’re getting engaged (or having their second child). Weird. Sometimes I feel like I’m just so far from that it’s funny to even think about! Then there are those friends *coughKenziecough* who’ve been in a happy relationship for almost their entire college career. Then, of course, there are the friends who haven’t had a boyfriend for years but have had a lot of fun just being a college kid.
So where do I find myself amidst the relationships, break-ups, and dates? I try not to categorize myself and I think that’s why I’m not so distressed as I used to be. There’s no rush for me to do anything with any person and there’s no deadline to meet. Galatians 6:9 says, “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” That’s all we can do, y’all! Instead of waking up every morning and wishing my life was somewhere else or looked more like hers or was filled with the success of his, blah blah blah, I can focus on what I can do to glorify God. I can focus on loving and doing and just being Jennie. Why would I want to experience someone else’s life when God has a specific plan for me, tailored to my every weird personality trait and goofy talent?
Pretty cool, right? God’s plan is so right and so perfect, to try to control it doesn’t make sense. But with my stubborn, controlling self, sitting back and being at peace with what the Lord is doing with and for me is really, really hard and I tend to fail…a lot.
Here’s what I can do. I can still stay up late and talk about an amazing first date or help comfort the girlfriend whose heart’s been broken. I can hug and be so happy for the girl who just got engaged and I can help my best friend’s boyfriend make her birthday the best ever. That can be a real, genuine, happiness and love for what’s going on around me. I don’t have to be bitter and wish I had that sweet companion to stay up late and talk about. There will be time for that. This is in my room!
Oh don’t worry, that doesn’t mean I can’t have crushes, either! It’s so funny how God can just place so much joy in your life just for fun. Sometimes on those late nights Kenz and I just look back and laugh. Dang we’re goofy.
So in the end, no love can possibly compare to the love Christ showed for us by giving his very life to save us from death. That’s incredible. You might know this one: “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friend”—John 15:13. So until that genuine love comes around, I’m going to be at peace. There are so many blessings surrounding us every day, to ignore them because your heart feels empty is so so sad. We’re all struggling with something whether it be relationships, addictions, gossip…the list goes on and on. God’s love, grace and mercy can fill any empty hole, no matter how deep and dark. Wow. Lord, you are too too good to us. Help me live in your peace!
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