Roll

"You should not be this strong."

Little did my jiu-jitsu partner know he helped me slam the door of my last journey and look forward to the next.  One short statement uttered between trying to lock out one of my joints and trying to anticipate my next move made me realize just how much my body, my mind, my spirit is capable of enduring.  That's what Evil says to us when we just. won't. stop: "You shouldn't be this strong."

When we refuse to give into the hate and choose to turn, however feebly, to a God who refuses to leave us, that's what the world can't understand.  Why won't she just break already? "Not on my watch," Jesus says, "Her head won't be crushed and I might take her to the edge, but I won't let her fall." 

"You know, people often pray, 'God, encourage me in you,' but that's not where Scripture points.  The Scripture points to us encouraging ourselves for the Lord." 

What Chaps was trying to tell me is, "Get over it, Pearson," get your mind in The Word, and start taking steps away from your last mistake.  The beauty of it all is the Gospel doesn't mandate prayer with God every morning.  It doesn't mandate hours of worship every weekend. However, the closer we come to the throne of grace, the more we are drawn to our knees with the realization that our God is full of so much more love and so much more strength than we could ever hope to muster on our own.  Our God is not a God of obligation, He's a God of a grace so radical it encourages a life-altering response.    

"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?  I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."  It's with Isaiah 43:18-19 that I move forward.  There is value in the lessons learned and there is value in the struggle, but the longer I hold onto my mistakes and dwell on my iniquities, the further I move from recognizing and praising what God is doing right here, right now.

"You should not be this strong."

This strength is not my own.  I am incredibly weak, prone to wander, I don't want to do good.

I am not this strong.  But my God, my God is...and so much more.

Take heart, y'all.  You're covered.