Perfection

Sometimes I stop and ask myself what in THE HECK I am doing. Is this really what college is all about? I’ve gotten so used to four-and-a-half hours of sleep a night and for some reason, I just don’t think that’s exactly what college is supposed to be. I can't really complain because my feelings are not unique at SMU. This is a dilemma for so many of my close friends, classmates, and “involved” students all across this campus. We are all struggling and this environment is a stressful one in which we’re oftentimes so exhausted and fed-up that we can scarcely stand to be around one another. We’re irritable, secluded, and busy. These hearts that are supposed to love and embrace one another have become hard hard stones that no one can penetrate. We’re constantly bothered by this sense of urgency, this sense of…sometimes hopelessness that we’ll never get everything done and that we’ll never really be rested. Rested. Indeed we want to be rested in the physical sense, but our minds are completed overloaded with information, dates, deadlines, meetings, lunches, coffees, presentations, essays, practices, and planning that we can’t possibly ever reach that status: Rested. It’s the constant need to achieve and succeed above your peers. It’s that constant desire to do better, to be better, to impress, to get that grade. It’s the pull not to let your teachers, parents, and friends down and to be the one that “has everything together.” How are we expected to succeed if we cannot complete everything that’s asked of us on time and to the absolute best of our abilities? Disappointment? That word isn’t even in our dictionary. We will succeed. We are failing. Every essay, presentation, and event we complete is an utter failure. We spend so much time doing these things for ourselves. I’ll admit, I’m probably the worst offender. I want to be the best. It must be perfect. I cannot fail. I, I, I. Me, me, me. How many times do we let our pride get in the way of our well-being and our pursuit of Jesus Christ? We have to make sure our image is reputable and attractive. We weren’t designed to be machines, but that’s oftentimes how we treat our bodies. So what is it gonna be? How do we fix this problem? Well I’m gonna go for the obvious answer: Prayer. And no I don’t mean just asking God to help you with your workload or magically having your teacher cancel class on Thursday (thank, you Jesus). I mean deep, meaningful, get-lost-in-the-moment-and-forget-where-you-are prayer. It’s a challenge for me and maybe it’s a challenge for you. What does change look like for you? For me, it’s waking up in the morning and feeling ready for a great practice, rather than being exhausted from late-night homework and worry about who I haven’t pleased that day. Mentally, it’s happiness and appreciation for the day at hand, rather than this bitter, wish-I-was-out-of-college mindset. It’s seeing OCS this summer as a challenge rather than a break from SMU. It’s looking in the mirror and seeing the positive rather than criticizing every flaw. It’s happiness…real happiness. More than anything, I pray you know your own heart and are pursuing those things that truly bring you joy. So many times I find myself making decisions based on what will please others rather than what will please God and that just leaves my heart and my mind in a crummy place. So what is it you’re pursuing?

Be Brave

I recently e-mailed this to many of y'all, but for anyone else whose address I do not have, here you go. Enjoy?

I cannot believe I'm doing this. Most of y'all know how anti-political I am and how sick I am of politicians in general. However, this latest debate over Senate Bill 1070 (aka Arizona's new law on immigration) has really got me going...

This isn't about racism or equal rights. I'm sorry, I'm not wiling to compromise the safety of our nation so we can have sympathy for a few illegals, some of whom have smuggled drugs and humans and killed in cold blood both in Mexico and in the United States. And yes, I realize that only "some" of the illegal immigrants coming into the United States fall under that description. One of my favorite people in high school came to the United States illegally and I have many friends whose families feel the need to sneak into the United States. So yes, I understand not all illegal immigrants are "bad." But that is not our only issue here. When I read the bill, I was both relieved and disappointed that the revisions were not entirely new laws. Rather, they require law enforcement to uphold the laws that were originally in place. Additionally, they hold employers accountable for the knowledgeable employment of illegal immigrants. I was relieved because I was expecting some radical, extreme right-wing attempt at obliterating illegal immigration...no, that wasn't the case. However, my disappointment was caused by my realization for the need of these revisions at all. We shouldn't need them because those that claim to protect our country should be doing just that. But that's a whole other debate that just won't fit in for now.

So, where did this passion come from? Well, I'll be the first to tell you that I'm all for equal rights. Slavery and racism have crippled our nation and are partially responsible for why we can't just buckle down and stop this nonsense. We can't be afraid of stepping on a few toes. I fully understand that America is a safe haven to those who have been adversely affected by the cartel and gangs in Mexico. It absolutely cannot be a hometo the cartel and gang violence from Mexico. When I was in high school (I know, so long ago, right?) I got a video text from a friend one day. It haunted me for months. It was a real video of a boy being decapitated. I'm not joking. He was alive. His head was being sawed off. I know that sounds violent and graphic, but we have to face it. It's bad over there. I know of three people in my graduating class that had to travel to Mexico because family members had been killed by gang members. The said family members were not members of gangs or involved in drug trafficking. They were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. If this isn't enough for you, go watch this video sometime : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnxt965o7N4. The drug traffickers coming to America wouldn't want to do so if we weren't such big consumers. Again, that's another debate that just doesn't have room here.

If you watched the video (and even if you didn't) WE DON'T NEED THAT KIND OF VIOLENCE LEAKING INTO THE UNITED STATES. We have enough issues to tackle (aka the economy, the war in Afghanistan...) to allow another issue to plant itself and flourish at our borders. I'm all for citizens of Mexico (and other nations!) to take the time and effort the legally make their way into the United States. I'll be honest, I don't know how hard it is to earn citizenship, but I feel like if I was faced with some of the situations Mexican families have faced, I would be pretty adamant on making that happen and getting my butt to the land of the free and the home of the brave. No one should have to live day-to-day, wondering if it's safe to go outside in fear of being shot down. After all, the what's another name for the Statue of Liberty? Oh yeah, the Mother of Exiles. Give them to us, we want them! But we expect immigrants to work hard, pay taxes, and obey the law just like the rest of us do. It's really not asking that much. This is America and we want to protect the immigrants. We WANT to be a safe haven from the violence...we're just gonna ask that you go by our rules. We're not going to ignore the violence in Mexico because it does affect us. No, I do not believe it is our right to step into Mexico and "fix" the problem, but we do have the right to protect our citizens. Our men and women are doing it overseas and I fear the day when we have to fight within our own country just to protect it. For some reason, that just doesn't seem to make sense. I want everyone to be safe. I don't care what color you are, where you came from, or why you chose to become a citizen of the U.S. We will protect you.

I can ramble on and on, but what I really need to do is go re-read the revised bill. I love my Mexican friends with all my heart and it breaks me to know their families are in danger. I welcome the immigrants that come legally and are willing to work to better this great nation. I also support our law enforcement and I think they should be allowed and urged to do their jobs. They don't have to be mean or racist, but they must protect all of us. The further you live from the border states, the harder it is for you to understand just how serious this problem is. That's fine, I don't expect you to understand how bad it is down here. We can't just open the flood gates and let everyone in. It's not even close to being that simple. I'm not angry and I don't think we can just drop bombs on the nations giving us trouble and say, "Problem solved." I'm not equipped (nor should I HAVE to be) to fight, but I'm willing to do it should I be called to do so. That's why I support all armed forced to protect us...all of us. If you know me, you know I am all for "peace and love" (almost enough that it makes Mom and Dad sick) but you can't be a hippie 24/7. Sometimes you must buckle down. I'm not forcing you to "do" anything, just know where you stand on this issue. You can go to www.securetheborder.org or www.keepazsafe.com if you really want to donate or put in your own two cents.

This isn't just about Arizona. It's not about racism. And up to this point, it's not even about taxes. It's not about my home in New Mexico! Our law enforcement must be allowed and REQUIRED to do their jobs. I don't want to fear for the lives of my Mexican friends or for my own family. You don't have to be an extremist on either side, you just have to love your country and strive to uphold her values. Let's not let those values go up in smoke.

The Hot Spot

The library seemed like the best place for quiet, concentration, and work.

I was wrong.

Upon walking into the library I saw five Facebook accounts, two e-mail inboxes, and an apparently hilarious homework topic. Oh, and there was the guy that was entranced with Farm Town. I didn’t know there was a Business in Agriculture class offered here…

This is a little place we like to call Club Fondren. Luckily, I’ve finished everything and now have time to reflect upon our beloved main library. Luckily, I finally found a small corner for myself in the Government Reference section on the second floor. Prior to this cozy little spot, I was sitting on the second floor in what I suppose is a lounge. A group of Thetas were in an apparent tizzy about some problems they were having with the Chi O’s. Drama between sororities?! No…

Aside from the irony, I am extremely content. I added extremely in there because it’s so true. Life is just wonderful. Classes are going well and I’ve gotten a huge break because I dropped my Chemistry class. I still feel guilty about it, but I do believe it was the best move. No worries.

On another happy note, Kenzie, Mitch, a few of others, and I are going to a concert on Friday and the Homecoming game is Saturday, so the weekend looks promising. It should be a grand time. Homecoming week has been insane thus far and all the sororities/frats seem to love every minute. I’m a bit burnt out on sorority functions, lunches, etc., so I think I may need to lay off before I lose motivation to actually pledge after Winter Break.

I want to give a more detailed account of my life, but just thinking about how un-productive this is, I must go read, or something. Maybe I could sleep? That sounds like a fine idea. I hope these short little accounts are pleasing for now, I can’t wait to write extensively and bore everyone to death!

All my love,

Jennie Lee

It's a Great Day to be ALIVE

Don’t give up on me just yet. I promise this blog isn’t going to go to waste. I am so glad to have last week behind me and it looks like this week is going to be ever-so-enjoyable. I can’t believe October is coming to a close, but that means Halloween. And Halloween in college is going to be fantastic. But enough with all that, I want you all to know I’ve made a pretty important decision…

I’ve decided to switch majors. I really hope no one is going to be disappointed, but I will take up the new Applied Physiology and Sport Management major rather than following the pre-med track. I will, however, keep the English major and I’ll have tons of fun. Over the past few weeks, I have put a lot of thought and prayer into my future and I can’t say how much all of your prayers helped me make this decision. I know I want to stay in the “health” industry, but I want to help promote healthy lifestyles, rather than fix problems that are results of some unhealthy practice. So, after I earn this degree, I may go on to pursue a Master’s, but I need to meet with my advisor and sort all of that out. But now what am I going to do with my life, right? Well, this degree will give me SO many options and I will be more inclined to work within the sport industry. I want to either be a personal trainer or a wellness coach, possibly for a professional team if I really work my way up. I’m all about “living well” and I know I would love to help people have that same outlook on life.

You know what this means? No more Chemistry and no more Calculus. When I started planning my “new schedule” and realized that fact, an insane amount of stress just escaped my body. Y’all, Jennie’s going to finally be Jennie again! Thanks so much for the prayers, because I know you all prayed that God would show me what direction I needed to take in my life and that has consequently made me happy.

Well, intramural flag football is ever-looming! I have my first game on Sunday and our only game plan is domination. It should be fun. Kenzie and I are on the same team so it will be a blast. Another highlight of the past week involves a little surprise...

I promise I’m not pregnant. I officially joined the yearbook staff and found out that I will actually get paid to write articles. Isn’t that fantastic? It was such a surprise and it made me beam with joy. Again, the power of prayer is amazing.

Quite literally, the sun came out today. No rain. No clouds. No one looked at me like I wasn’t good enough. I smiled a whole lot today. I miss you all so much, but I finally let myself be genuinely happy. I started letting go of things I need to forget and I started to get excited about all the possibilities in front of me. I have been tearing away at myself because I feel as if I let so many great relationships go to waste before I left home, but now I understand that we must all change, hurt, and do bad things every now and then if we want to grow. I’m growing.

I hope I haven’t let anyone down because I’ve decided NOT to be a doctor, but y’all, this is going to be a better life for me. I’ve always wanted to raise a family (if I can find someone that can put up with me for that long) in a very middle-class, down-home sort of way. I don’t want my kids to grow up knowing that they have plenty of money to fall back on. I definitely don’t want my family to struggle, but I want my kids to know the value of hard work. I know, I’m going to be a horrible mother. Maybe I’m supposed to be single and live on a beach in Australia for the rest of my life?

My mind is starting to run off on a random tangent, so I will stop being so self-centered and get back to work. Y’all, I can’t thank you enough for having me in your thoughts and prayers. You are the absolute best and you keep me going when the days are miserable!

All my love,

Jennie Lee

This is Where My Red Shoes Took Me

Hey Everyone!!

Well, I'm back in Eunice and I can't exactly put my finger on how I feel. This blog is going to be really short because I'm exhausted and SO ready to sleep in tomorrow. Some things about Eunice are really hard to face, but then it is so nice to see everyone that I love and miss. I almost feel like something's missing, but again, I just can't put my finger on it. I may just be delirious, and maybe some sleep will clear my mind. I'll take a break from homework tomorrow so I can really sort through this whole "Eunice" experience and provide y'all with a fantastic new blog (yeah right). It really isn't bad to be home.

Jennie Lee

Sunny Weather, Rainy Mood

Wow. That's all I can say about today. Right now the only thing on my mind is the Berry Family. Please please keep them in your prayers, or your thoughts, whatever your belief is. Dan was an amazing man and he always treated me like his granddaughter. I can't believe all the cowboys are leaving us. I think that's what really hurts the most. Daddy, Uncle Tommy, Richard, Big D, Ken, Bill, Greg, Kelly, all you guys, I promise I won't let you down when it's my turn. There's nothing like growing up where and how I did and I can't thank y'all enough for making me who I am.

I miss it all, but Bert Fisher just reminded me of something. "You can leave the ranch, but it never leaves you." No matter how many skinny little bodies or oversized LV purses I see, I will never be one of those girls. I'll never stop trying to impress my Daddy and I will never stop being my Mommy's stubborn baby. I'll never forget how it feels to ride through Home Pasture at five in the morning, freezing my tail off, then almost crying because watching the sun come up is so dang beautiful. I'll never ever be afraid to get my hands dirty and I'll never ever think replacing Michael Jordan's knee is near as much fun as replacing a busted union at the mill at Pipeline. Never ever will a boy in a foreign car impress me, but that boy in the big Chevy's got me hooked. I will never be trashy and act like I'm better than you, but I will always invite you in, because there's no telling where you came from. My grandpas will always be my heroes because they're the ones who fought to make sure their country-girl grandaughter would be able to go to SMU and pursue a medical degree. I won't ever look up to Paris Hilton. What has she done to make my life any better?

At some point in my life, every cowboy told me, "Never forget where you came from." That's something you don't have to worry about me doing. I have no problem with saying "Yes ma'am" or "No sir" and I have no doubt in my mind that a smile can brighten your day. Oh, and if you're a bettin' kind of person, you can bet that I'll work the hardest. No contest. I am this way because I know where I came from. I'll never forget how much Ghee tought me about being myself and loving every single damn minute of life. And I'll never forget how Pappaw tought me to always live a life grounded in faith and directed in such a way that my actions both deserve and demand respect. That's where I came from, and I'll never forget that place. Though I'm losing my cowboys, they'll always be here. No need to worry about that.

I love you Dan. With you AND Wilma up there, the angels better have a damn tight grip on their halos.

Jennie Lee

And God said, "Everyone shall be miserably tired today."

So far, so good. I haven't decided to give up on the blog, so everyone should have something to be excited about today. It's fairly early in the evening, so I thought I would use the blog to jump-start me into my next phase. Right now, I'm in the "Already Finished One Assignment, Still Need a Little Motivation to Work Until Midnight" phase. Yes, that's right, I've already finished some homework. This is good. Mind you, this morning I woke up and felt like it was a good day just to sleep. Oh, but the gym beckoned so I forced my lazy rear out of my comfy, fluffy, warm, extra-long twin bed.

The greatest thing was waiting for me when I stepped into my Sport Management class this morning. The NCAA DI National Championship trophy was sitting prettily atop a nice little black box, draped with a Dr. Pepper cloth. Apparently, our professor is an old colleague with the two men that take the trophy (along with its $8-$15 million Dr. Pepper sponsorship) around to different college games every week. I couldn't believe the trophy was just sitting there, right in front of me. But, of course, I was so glad that the trophy was in Texas, where it belongs and where I'm sure it will return in January. Anyhoo, that was fun and the lecture the men (Ray and Charlie) gave was interesting enough.

I realized something today. As I walked into the women's bathroom in Dallas Hall, I met an older woman leaving the bathroom. For some reason, I wasn't so tired anymore. It seems as if every time I meet one of the faculty or any older men/women on campus I can somehow relate to them. Why is that, and why can I not relate as closely to the students on campus? Hmm, very odd.

All of my classes went really well today and I don't have any meetings on Mondays so I get to devote a large portion of time to studying. Hopefully, I will be done early enough this evening to hit the gym again. If you could see this place, you would want to spend all of your time there, too. I found out that we won't have a Chemistry quiz next week due to the exam we will have on Friday. I think it's a fair trade. Willard let some very bad words slip today while we were discussing Shakespeare's 129th sonnet, but I let it slide. He wears a bow tie for Pete's sake.

Right now I am in the room alone because Abby is walking around campus talking on the phone, Jen is at a vocal chior presentation, and Stephanie is...well, we never really know where Stephanie is. She just comes and goes and that's fine. Let's just say Stephanie doesn't have to study as much as we do, so she thinks it's okay to come and talk to us about the pressing issues surrounding her personal life...even when we are up to our eyeballs in schoolwork. It can be a bit frustrating. I think she kept Jen up until 3 am the other morning. Poor little Vietnamese Jen doesn't have that much stamina and I think she suffered the next day.

I'm counting down hours until I get to go home and see my wonderful familia in New Mexico, and I think getting through this Monday is going to be a big step. And just as an aside, I'm ready for Christmas. I haven't been able to figure out what has made me so eager for Christmas to come, but it has definitely been a presence in my daily thoughts.

I really would love to ramble and throw all my feelings into the mix, but in the course of the twenty minutes that it took me to write this and check all my e-mail accounts, I have become innately inspired. My mind works in mysterious ways. Oh! I can't believe I forgot. Y'all need to look into getting Skype accounts if you don't already have them. It's a great way to stay in touch and if you have a webcam, we will be able to video chat. Should be fun!

All my love to each of you!
Jennie Lee